CASCADIA

Long before the Cascade mountains rose above the surface of the sea, when it’s waters washed at the foot of the Rocky mountains, the Siskiyou mountains stood, an island in this vast waste of waters. It had volcanoes then that flashed their flames skyward; a beacon light to a shipless sea. This island was very extensive and extended to the Sacramento Valley on the south, comprising what is now  called the Wooly Bully mountains, Scotts mountains and the Siskiyou’s. This cluster of mountains is termed “The Klamath Group” and is described as an old Cretacious island.

It is clear that the land we call home has a long, varied and facinating roots. Much of what we know is not written–It is lore passed on by people who have passed on beliefs, traditions and value system, through storytelling and legends. Much of the message resonates today. Estimates based on carbon dating show that various tribes lived in this region  as far back as 6,000 BC. The Native American that lived here were highly mobile hunters and traders. Many of their food sources, such as salmon, acorns, seeds and berries were seasonal. Other species, such as shellfish, elk, deer and smaller ground animals, were available year round. The people used geothermal waters and mineral waters for bathing and improving their health for thousands of years. Balneology- the practice of using natural mineral spring water for the prevention and cure of disease, can be traced back about 5,000 years to the Bronze Age. The original hunting and trading trails became the fur trading routes of early trappers and explorers, and later the wagon train routes that would lead eventually to our current system of roads. -Ashland Better Living

It is on these Old Highways, Old Route 66, Old Siskiyou Highway 99, Old Stagecoach Rd. 420 and many frontage roads we find Our Hero driving since trying to operate his old 1976 Toyota Landcruiser lovingly refered to as “The Kracken!” Anything above 65 mph is like trying to compete in a off road competition on a old Harley Davidson Hardtail Knucklehead so he’s on the backroads. Northwards he canters onward into a mysterious place called the Great State of Jefferson.

The State of Jefferson was a proposed U.S. state that would span the contiguous, mostly rural area of southern Oregon and northern California, where several attempts to secede from Oregon and California, respectively, have taken place in order to gain own statehood.

This region on the Pacific Coast is the most famous of several that have sought to adopt the name of Thomas Jefferson, the third President of the United States. Thomas Jefferson sent the Lewis and Clark expedition into the Pacific Northwest in 1803, and envisioned the establishment of an independent nation in the western portion of North America which he dubbed the “Republic of the Pacific”,[1] hence the association of his name with regional autonomy. The independence movement (rather than statehood) is instead known as Cascadia.

 The seal created: A gold mining pan etched with two X’s to signify the double-cross by Salem and Sacramento politicians. With majestic Mt. Shasta at it’s heart, and the Cascades forming it’s backbone, the region’s wild rivers and rugged peaks both isolate and, at times, insulate it;s residents from the more populated outside world.

It is rumored to be the home of Seprestist, Bigfoot, Whitewater, Mountain Mama’s and of course the reason he came; Fertile Land. He just happened to be looking for a gardening job after a disaturous year:

Multiagency operations serve search warrants; 17 arrested. 

??? COUNTY, Calif. – The service of seven search warrants this week in a multiagency drug eradication operation resulted in 17 arrests and nearly 1,600 marijuana plants.

Sgt. Homo of ??? County Sheriff’s Office said the warrants were served on four properties in the Joytopia Valley area near Sometown and three near some Lake on Tuesday and Wednesday.

He said the ??? County Sheriff’s Narcotics Task Force served the warrants with the assistance of the Drug Enforcement Administration, Homeland Security, United States Customs, Bureau of Land Management, United States Forest Service, HIDTA, California Highway Patrol, California Department of Fish and Game, Punkasse Police Department, Faggotass County Sheriff’s Office,  Pretendo County District Attorneys Office, Some other County Code Enforcement and even the Godamned Good old’ Boys Public Works and Boy Scouts of UhmeriKKKa.

On Tuesday, same afore mentioned Homo said the Sheriff’s Narcotics Task Force conducted the Joytopia Valley operation and eradicated 467 marijuana plants.

 
 

He said detectives also located a honey oil/hash lab. This method of converting marijuana into hash is extremely dangerous, due to the high risk of explosion. . Detectives also located two firearms and alarming quantities of Lysergic Acid Diemylamide, Psilocybin, Mescaline, MDMA, Salvia Divarorium, Ketamine, Peyote, Moonflower, Banana Peels, Bath Salts, and a butload of Marijuana salves, ointments, cooking oils and the like along w/ some undeternined viles that smell like pachouli and frankencence.

One detective said’ It looked like we had just gone through a portal into another dimension or some type of time warp as these folks thought they were in 1966, running around naked and fornacating openly for God and anyone else who desired to watch, which we did”

As detectives entered three of the locations, several suspects attempted to flee, said some dumbass Homo. A total of seven subjects who had fled were captured and arrested.

Detectives approached a tent located at one of the grow sites, which was occupied. Dumbass said the subjects inside refused to comply with instructions to exit the tent, so a United States Forest Service apprehension K9 was deployed. The occupants of the tent were taken into custody without further incident.

Thank God he wasnt even there since he was lying in the hospital (refer to blog: To heal or not to heal, thats the question really??) but still it fucked the rest of the season up and so he  had to hit the road like Kerouak, Kessey, HST and countless others did before him-  For his sanity he grabbed some undiclosed viles having had stashed and fired up “The Kracken!” named for it’s ability to spew oil with but a depresion of the gas pedal to unsuspecting tailgaiters.

Mount Shasta (KarukÚytaahkoo or “White Mountain”)[5][6] is located at the southern end of the Cascade Range in Siskiyou CountyCalifornia and at 14,179 feet (4,322 m)[1] is the second highest peak in the Cascades and the fifth highest in California. Mount Shasta has an estimated volume of 85 cubic miles (350 km3) which makes it the most voluminous stratovolcano in the Cascade Volcanic Arc

 Mount Shasta is not connected to any nearby mountain and dominates the northern California landscape. It rises abruptly and stands nearly 10,000 ft (3,000 m) above the surrounding terrain.[4] On a clear winter day snowy Mount Shasta can be seen from the floor of the valley 140 miles (230 km) south.[9][citation needed] The mountain has attracted the attention of poets,[10] authors,[11] presidents and perhaps a freak or two attracted by not only its beauty but its allure as a power point on the world wide grid. It’s no wonder he was flying up the mountain but a miracle he didnt fly off it in a blazing fireball, his truck was found abandoned on forest road A- 420 in the State of Jefferson with a mysterious clump of fur and styrofoam balls in the back.

 A State Game Warden said ” I have been roaming these woods my whole life and I have never seen or smelled fur like this, we had to get a female deputy in here to attain samples because any male that gets near that musk will arouse more than just suspicion, as for the owner of the vehicle there is no sign of him , we got something strange going on here.” The hair has been sent off to the wildlife agency for further analysis.

 (editor M.P.)

A journal was found inside the truck Scribbled in Assortment of Day Glow Crayon  Entries:

 Fuck!  Its funny how things go w/ The Game, one year its all good and the next your screwd, busted. and disgusted. I was able to purchase ANOTHER landcruiser with the previous years bumper crop so at least I have that. But this past year sucked big fatty and it wasnt even a joint. I stuck to my guns (the ones they didnt take) and got the knee all fixed up so I can start climbing/falling again. God I miss being  near mountains as often wonder what their true names are. Not the names White man gave them or the Red one for that matter, but maybe the Big man or eachother I dont know. This is some good shit I was able to hold onto, cuz I must be trippin’. What little money I was able to salvage I sank right into the Kracken!. Now I can barely afford insurance which in my opinion is a crock of shit and a scam since they didnt reinburse me when I got hit and knocked off  that Old Stagecoach road last year down Iowa Hill coincedently another breeding den for sepretist and growers.

Anyhow I am now chasing my dream girl of a 6’7″ rusty blonde, almond eyed, sloping foreheaded gorgeous female specimien of Gigantopithecus canadensis, otherwise known as bigfoot, Yeti or Sasquatch. Ever since that one abducted me up in the Hoh Valley in Washington by simply grabbing me by my hair and throwing me on her back  taking me to her love den where I was forced to chew the snags of tree sap off her 56 FF’s and braiding her musty ass spine. I grew fond of her you know, Ive never been able to get that scent out of my mind, it drives me crazy!………..”

Ive come to the conclusion though that this may prove detrimental to my physical well being.

 I had to get out of  ??? County with the conclusion being the residence are as sick and polluted as the lake itself, not all but most. Its a damn shame really because it used to be healthy and vibrant but is now diseased and damn near devoid of Life. I cannot stand to be there anymore and am driving north to search for that elusive Yeti I have come to admire.

I slept in a old Olive Orhard last night off Highway 5 which terrifies me driving since My rig was wound out at 78 mph with these huge rubber overdrive tires and Im still being passed like a old Amish buggy with old ladies flipping me off to get out of the slow lane. So Im staying on the old byways from now on  and came across this Old Olive Orchird, they look like miny oaks having not been pruned in years, so w/ my hammock tied off a tree and the other end the rig, it’s  so peaceful I passed right out to the smell of blossoms and thick grass. Driving later on out of the northern reaches of the San Fernando valley and up into Lake Shasta, the RPM gauge redlined since I had to get back on Highway 5,, which in a old FJ40 landcruiser is as close as I want to get to flying a P-51 North American Mustang over Normandy. Shit apparantly being shot at me because as Im rounding around this long sweeping bridge leaning into the turn, the wheels screaming into the night, I hear what sounds like gunshots richocheting off my fenders. I just figured must have been those damn Sepretist I kept hearing about. Lo and behold they must have shot out one of my humongous 35″ tires as my steering was like trying to leg wrestle my funky monkey lady freind..

 I limped  to Castle Crags Wilderness, part of the Shasta-Trinity National Forest.

The park is named for 6,000-feet tall glacier-polished crags.

 Soaring above the upper Sacramento River Valley are the sky-scraping spires of granite called the Castle Crags. From the lofty ramparts, the hiker can look down on forested slopes and up at magnificent snow-covered Mt. Shasta. From below some dumbass can simply gawk and kick himself in the ass for selling his climbing gear.

The Castle Crags were formed in much the same manner as nearby Mt. Shasta and the other peaks of the Cascade Range-by volcanic activity some 200 million years ago. For the last million years, the Crags have been subjected to the forces of wind, rain, ice and even some small glaciers, which have shaped the granite into its distinctive shapes. Rising beside the spikey peaks is a round one, Castle Dome, which many mountaineers liken to Yosemite’s Half Dome.

In 1855, the territory below the Crags was the site of a struggle between local native people and settlers. The locals, armed only with bows and arrows, were driven from their land in a one-sided battle that was chronicled by Joaquin Miller, “poet of the High Sierra.” A Spanish-American Robin Hood figure of lore himself.

It was here that I noticed that I had sheared four lugnut studs off my right front tire on that damn highway and now only had two left holding on the wheel and there was only one lugnut still on. Thus the explanation for the gunshots as they snapped off and richocheted off my fenders. “Damn”, I thought, guess I forgot to tighten that & I’ll just try to make it to the nearest town on Old Route 66 the epicenter of hillbillie car jackings and illegal “from the road” poaching. I just barely made it to the small college town of  WEED ( really?) and was able to get a tire shop to work on it while I went and sampled some tasty IPA’s from the local  micro-brewery.

 The crows cry “Kracken! ………….

 What a cool town, just the name alone makes me want to retire here indefinetly, I guess I got to get a job first.

Since the wheel mishap set me back $175 I am no longer able to afford the cost of returning to ??? County,…

THANK YOU JESUS!!

Speaking of Jesus, I was able to score a top for the rig vollunteering at a Cristian Compound where I was able to work it off, cutting down the tenacious Juniper trees. I have a new found respect for this arbor, not just for the fact that the berries when distilled make Gin but for that this booger can live and dig into some hard ass terrain, with its outswept branches literally burroing themselves into the ground and becoming roots. I was supposed to dig some postholes and help with a fence to keep critters out of the garden but when the pastor suggested I sing along to hyms on the Cristian Radio, I politely declined and was parried with further encouragments but in the end In trying to get me into the Pearly Gates all he did was drive me out faster than hell. I found when dealing with religion and its supporters it’s like trying to talk someone out of rooting for their sports team and God forbid if your not on that team, all I know is I couldnt get out of there fast enough. Early the next morning before the chickens were up I pushed the Kracken! down the dirt road, popped the clutch and was singing a song that came to mind….

Wooden Jesus, where are you from? Korea or Canada or maybe Taiwan? 

But I didn’t know it was the Holy Land

 But I believed from the minute the check left my hand
And I pray, can I be saved? I spent all my money on a future grave

Wooden Jesus, I’ll cut you in On twenty percent of my future sin

I’ll cut you in, I’ll cut you in
In porcelain Mary, her majesties pure, Looking for virgin territory

 Coat hanger halos, they don’t come cheap

From television shepherds with living room sheep
And I pray can I be saved? I spent all my money on a future grave

Wooden Jesus, I’ll cut you in

On twenty percent of my future sin

 I’ll cut you in, I’ll cut you in……………..

 I am super stoked about the top because it sucked just having a bikini top in the rain/snow. People just stare at me driving in the snow w/ all my snowboarding gear and goggles on. Its one of the older style corrugated tops from the early 60’s so it has a sweet ass panel wagon look to it as it doesn’t have the corner windows and the side ones are much slimmer. The top is higher in the rear from later models so it almost has a “chopped look” As for the extremly rare bi-fold rear door/window I dont have the rails to mount it, so I used my carpentry skills ( like Jesus) to fashion one out of particleboard and plastic for a ductaped window. I have now a small stove so I can cook  a shitload of bulk of dehydrated rufage from the local CO-OP store. The interior has been insulated with disgarded cardboard beer holders from the Recycing Center and the floor  having been layered up with sleeping pads and styrofoam found behind Mountain Gear Store. The cruiser/hammock combo worked well but not for winter.and I am very pleased with the results because this cold 14 gauge steel just sucked the life out of me.

I am up on the Iron Gate Hatchery just south of Ashland, Oregon where I have hopes of getting a job guiding in the Six Rivers area.

Smith River National Recreation Area is located northwestern CaliforniaUnited States. The Smith River National Recreation Area is in Six Rivers National Forest and is managed by the U.S. Forest Service, an agency of the U.S. Department of Agriculture. Created by Congress in 1990, Smith River National Recreation Area forms a northern border to Redwood National and State Parks. The Coast Ranges and the Smith River, the longest National Wild and Scenic River in the U.S., offer a variety of recreational opportunities. The recreation area is considered one of the best fishing regions in the U.S., with trophy sized steelhead trout, chinook salmon and other game fish species. Rafting is popular in the summer months and most hiking trails are accessible year-round, but both activities may be greatly affected by heavy rain that swells creeks and rivers. The region receives over 90 inches (230 cm) of rainfall annually, with the greatest amounts in the winter. Summers may be foggy as moisture laden clouds rise up the Coast Range mountains from the Pacific Ocean

This is in order to get into more isolated areas where I know she’ll be.. I feel the need to get back on the oars and purge some of these toxins out of my system as its getting more difficult to concentrate wrtiting while driving, I didnt know crows fly at night, besides I just dropped a burning hash ember in my bellybutton and damn near flew off the road. I should get one of those talk into recorders,. Mental Note # 6,545,812,730,983.

I am almost broke,………………..again. Springtime is just around the corner as the Almond, Walnut and Apple Orchards can attest to with their blossoms permeating the air with sweet fragrence that is like driving through Honeydew. That is unless you have allergies. You wouldnt know it looking at the Cascade and Siskiyou Mountains though. they jut up from the sleepy greenish-brown valleys like great white tusk, I bet she’s up there somewhere going into estrus……. my upper lip curls with the thought.

At the convergence of the Siskiyou and Cascade mountain ranges at an elevation of 2,000 feet lies the small city of Ashland, the area is one of 13 most bio-diverse regions in the world with a climate that supports sustainable and organic agriculture boasting a rich environment for farms and vineyards with growing interest in urban farming. Thus why I am here studying botanicals. It is also the home of Southern Oregon University and the Ashland Shakesperian Festival. It has a total population of 20,103-  With ( pay close attention here) 11,312 (56.3 percent) Female,! The median age in 39.5 and 80.3 percent of its poulation over 18 years and 16 percent was 65 years and older.. Never in all my days have I  been in a mountain town, actually more of a small mountain city that has this ratio of women and everyone is Young.  I am seriously contemplating relocating here since I dont have any gas to go anywhere anyhow. I just got a parking ticket for taking up 2 spots, there wasnt anybody else around aint that a BITCH!?.

Unfortunetly, the unemployment rate is @ 20 percent and it shows through in the form of panhandling on damn near every corner with their tattered dreams and untuned guitars, they’re outside every store, bank and even in front of the Chamber of Commerce. When sleeping my legs are stetched in between the bucket seats and my head towards the rear and I have to lay on my side or criss-cross for them to fit, neither one of my still healing kness are all to happy about this setup and ache every morning, thank s for the Vicodin’s Doc! I also have folded boxes to cover windows and a sarong to hang on the windshield roll bar some  gal left in it I picked up hitchiking. This gives me some privacy but I am beggining to feel like a “creep”. In the rear dining area the kitchen  (small crates borrowed from Safeway) on the drivers side and armouir (rubbermaid) on the passenger side adds a rustic but efficient decor. It was still cold last nite, I’ll have to admit. I dont think I picked the right vehicle to lay-lo as alot of guys especially, Dads with their kids at the park want to come and check it out and talk while their kids use it as a set of monkey bars. I dont mind and enjoy the company. I was lying in the back when I heard two guys walking up…

“Oh man,…!”

‘”what?”

“Oh check this thang out, what is it, a jeep?”

“Hell No that aint a jeep; that theres one of them Toyotee’s”

“Holy shit,……… Ive heard of these things, looks like he’s got a V-8 in it”

“Ahh man that thing leaks oil like a son o’ bitch

 “Must be Good Lubrication eh?’.

Then they started rocking it and trying to see inside talking about what they would do with it and bla bla bla, I was in their just trying not to laugh.

Well shit, I sent off my construction resume to all the river raft companies in the State of Jefferson which counterdict the dates of my outdoor recreation resume. Yeah, im fucked. Some dude came riding up to me on a bike and asked me if I smoke, I said “yeah” and he replied ” do you have some?’ I just stared at him until he left.

 I cooked some salmon last night and am going to try and catch a Steelhead trout soon since they have a March spawn.  I found another hippy feed lot so Im going to go get some more nuts, cous-cous, falafal and other weird shit. I just cant stand all these stankass hippies holding signs begging. One read ” Bigfoot Stold My Brain” well who gives a fuck? She stold my virginity,but I cant help but think the only differance between he & I is I have a vehicle. Im beggining to think all these folks may be pooling their resouces together in order to rent out one of these nice Victorians.

 I heard some Geese flying overhead thats a promising sign. Gets dark around 6;30 and sunrise @ 6;30 its almost Spring Equinox!!

Almost ripped my Barbie ‘hand me down” sleeping bag in a claustraphobic muscle spasm moment I get from time to time thinking of my finances. I may yet find myself holding one of these signs, Im working on some proto-types.

AMBER ALERT: I LOST MY PIPE! or perhaps: Harmless & need $ to pay fines.

. Its lonely on the dark side of town, I hear that cold wind blowing. Ahhhhhh shit, my sleeping bag is ripped and torn so my ass hangs out and goes numb by midnight. My only remnant of my climbing days is my Patagonia Das’ Parka and the sleeve caught on fire cooking in confined space. It also just hit me that I am cooking with a open flame and am wearing and surrounded with highly flamable polypropalene materials and they say Cotton Kills, not to mention the gas tank is under my passenger seat and leaks a little. My K-mart shoes have collapsed structurally internally, Damn this Chinese crap ( on the other side of the globe a Chinaman holds some  Air Jordan knock offs and screams “Damn American Crap!)”

3 weeks before I got to make a move back up to Alaska or Hawaii or wherever my airline miles can get me to since I cant afford anything else , little funds,…need work. I forgot about the feeling of being hunted when disbursement camping, its a mindset from what is acceptable in society. The styrofoam idea seemed good when I first did it but has now looks as if a beanbag exploded in my rig having been crushed into a million little white balls that have a static charge that orbit me  and are constantly going up my nose. These damn balls will now probally poison all the wildlife I personally come in contact with.

OMG!! Mass catastophy, spilled hot water making coffee, I am chasing cofee rivers in mad flurry to reroute from sleeping area.. Lets see 185 miles to Bend. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?

I learned today that Incence and Red Cedars are not true Cedars but belong to the Cypress family. WTF?! I love these forest here with a good mixture of deciduous and conifers. Whiteleaf Manzanita, Birchleaf, Douglas Fir, Mountain Mohagany, Deerbrush, Ceanothis, Oregon White Oak, and  Pacific Madrone with its smooth greenish bronzy copperish bark shiny dark leaves with its bark expanding strips of reddish brown paper curls that peel from its trunk and branches as it grows, The Ponderosa Pine, California Black Oak, Port Oxford Cedar, Western Mock Oranges  and of course my favorite Sentinel of the forest; Sequoia Sempervirens surrounded by the just as ancient, Swordfish Fern that can grow several feet high

, .Ahhhhhhh the Sun is finally shining in my window. Im parked up near Ashland Creek trying to fish like a Paleo-Nomad. Hunter, No wonder their not around anymore, So its curry soup I s’pose.

Cold Shaving in creek, wet wipes bath, brushed teeth & put on deodorant that should be good for a week or two huh?

Dollar Store/Goodwill/Thrift Store how i love thee, The Shakesperian Festival is now in full swing and since I couldnt afford a ticket I climbed up this huge Madrone and watched King Lear with some chick who said she was tree sitting to make sure they wouldnt cut it down, I didnt have the heart to tell her that they werent likely to cut this one down since its was in a town square but I smoked her out until we almost fell. Man, its hard to understand Old English but I dont mind drinking it from time to time, I’ll admit Ashland is a bit artsy but its got a sweet vibe and all the retirees keep giving these panhandlers money so it must not be all that bad. In fact the other night I heard some music so I went towards the direction it was coming from and came across a pub called the” Playright -a public House “where people read beat, slam or playboy, I felt right at home. Oh; the sight of middle age folks dancing in the streets to a cover band playing the Dead, Stones and the Band. I sat there in the old railroad district gazing at them in their wild free abandon shaking their old tired and worn money makers, it made me smile that  they have not lost the zest for life but I wish they would learn some new dance moves. I wandered back to the Kracken! to a nice warm cup of Chai tea,..yeah, I know man, I know…… The moon is a eerie orange-yellow and smiles from above the wispy clouds moving like a southbound train,

 Hey mama rock me, rock me mama like the wind and the rain, rock me mama like a southbound train heyyyyyyyyy mama rock me.

I seen a homeless kid sleeping on a bench at the Skate Park w/ no blanket. I felt like a pussy for wearing layers and bitching cuz Im in a vehicle,  so I gave him mine, he just farted in gratitude as the other kids were just Ollie’n over him. I love the old Victorian homes here,with their wrap around porches, gables and spires and loud colors only one of these could get away with, it reminds me of that high little island I grew up in the East Bay so many years ago. Free Art!!, from hippy on corner, I almost had a heart attack. 25 cents for a gallon of water and 50 cents for pressurised air !!! Bastards they gone and sold us what we need to survive. I got a temporary library card, so I can check craigslist for some work or contact people when Im about to die. Note: High Country Living is a great magazine thats details the explotation of mountain towns all over the US and its struggles with development and resource management. There was a great write up on Global Warming and it’s effects on the Ski indusrty which in my opinion can totally fucking collapse for all I care they’ve bought and sold our Forest like a cheap ass ho. Im biased since Ive been blacklisted from most of the resorts in the Western Hemisphere. ( Refer to: Rants of a Ski Bum & Death Throws of a Ski Town).)

Somewhere in this rig  I know there are 3 lighters, a yellow bic, purple/blue criket, I found my pipe but it was broken so I used my flint knapping skills to fashion a chilum out of stem. It has just occured to me that since all my certifications have expired such as CPR and Swiftwater Rescue that I may be at a slight disadvantage to become gainfully employed on any river and I dont have a throw bag or lifevest anymore since I pawned all my possesions, to get more gas up here, that is ONLY $3.75 a gallon w/ NO STATE TAX!!.

The local Shop n’ Kart had some Free Wine tasting in their isles and when word got out they were maurraded by a score of hippies, homeless kids and vagabonds. One guy come running, dressed in dirty full carhart coverall that looked like he’s been wearing since last Autumn screaming ”  I heard there was a picnic, this must be it!” As the terrified hostess went to fill him a little dixie cup he slapped down his trusty old hobo-mug that damn near emptied the bottle.

I like to get up when the birds start singing, I found myself in Lithia Park named after the Spring of Lithium Water with a long history of  Botanical Diversity I was seeking. The International Arbors having been planted in the 1920’s so are mature and elegant.  The are two Seqouia Sempervirens and two Sequoiadendron Gigantiums planted close to eachother like a mystical avenue at least 100′ high and growing! It was designed by John McLatch who earlier designed Golden Gate Park (another one of my haunts) It has some huge gorgeous rows of Sycamores and the graceful Maples from out east that Im sure in the fall are on fire with hues of yellow, orange, reds and purples. With Ashaland Creek running from where Mt. Ashland Ski resort is I immedaily felt at peace.

 I found myself walking through a tranquil Japanese garden with flowers in a small pond that swirled about reminding me of pictures of far away galaxies, I just sat there mezmorised with it’s eddies pulling clusters of blossoms into a small cove created from the small waterfall above, much like a raft guide would do, (man I got to get back on the water). The sunshine warmed me to my very core and the waterfall brought the electons in the air into equillibrium. I wonderd who put those floweres into the waters and why some cast off to bump into others forming yet another small galaxie while others spun off into their own trajectory and some wait their fate at the small dam, while some go downstream on a bumpy wild ride??……………wow.

 I also got to see and touch a real Dawn Redwood (Metaseqouia Glyptoonoids), I once thought of as only legend as they were first known through fossil records then rediscovered in Szechan China! It is a close reletive to our evergreen Native Redwood yet this species is deciduous losing its needles in the fall. One of only a few deciduous conifers. I also met a Alpine Totar ( Podacarpus Nivalis) originally from S. Africa to E. Asia and now New Zealand. The current wide distribution helps substanciate the theory of a Ancient Southern Hemispere super continent called GONDWANA which eventuall seperated into Australia, Antartica and other land masses. Another one of my favorites was the Norway Weeping Spruce with it’s pendulous outer branhes. Reminded me of an Old Man all crooked over. Trees are my one constant in my Life that just make me feel good, Oh God, I cant believe I just wrote that.

So, my running lights dont work &  I hate electrical plagues but am happy that my Dad drove electical theory into my head and taught me about the process of elimination. I  have used this in my personal Life as well with relationships. Like for instance” this guy was playing a guitar with three strings outside the door and another dude had a sign near the parking lot exit while yet another young couple sat at a gas station w/ a sign that read ” Need Gas not Grass” I’ve also noticed that my fellow car/disbursement campers haunt the same parking lots and the library. As Im going down the road it occurs to me that I should have side mounted mirrors since I mounted the rear view one too high and since my 4″ lift has me up further  all I can see is big tractor trailers, small aircraft and maybe a  CB antena or two, besides when I go over 50 mph it vibrates so bad I cant make anything out anyhow except headlights which I think all are cops.

I had a dream that I walked by a guy begging for change and when I looked down at his weatherworn natty dreadlocks and thick bearded face I recognised him as a older tattered me, he smiled up at me and said ” Hey Brother can you help a guy out?” I smiled down at him and said ” Sorry buddy, I got to go get a job”. From my experience with the people Ive known who cast off the shackles of Society, theres no going back when your on that side, I see it in their eyes in these old guitar weilding hippies lost in a perpetual time warp of no yesterday or tomorow, only now,

 Freedom’s just another name for nothing else to lose……Nothings worth having if it aint free…….

Thats why I stay on the fence. The shadow of despair looms now in my dreams though.

Its funny when I return home and tell my family of all the places I’ve been with great enthusiasm,….. they just look at me and shake their heads, blame eachother for who’s responsible or for being on drugs when they were doing the deed, ( I am a product of the 60’s) and think I’m one step closer to Permanent Bumhood, I guess its all in perspective huh? I wouldn’t change it for the world, man. I cant help but think of all my old partying freinds and where their at today,, if their anywhere that is, and where are all those beatiful women I knew? And how many damn kids they have & if any with Brown Eyes…………………………………… & freckles. 

I am now atop the 7,532′ Mt. Ashland ,well not all the way to the top, Im parked in the parking lot trying to figure out a way to poach this mountain since they did away with passes you can “clip”, Im finding it difficult, but found instead  some really cool people with a keg of Black Butte Porter, inflatable palm tree and a kiddie pool, just chillaxin’. I got to ride eventually on a garbage bag down the side of the lot, it was one of the best rides of my life and I just couldnt stop, literally.  As I gaze across the expance and look back towards Mt. Shasta  with the Sun reflecting hues of Alpenglow  I cant help but feel how She has somehow managed to elude me once again.

Theres only one thing to do, and thats go and find her, I know she’s near ,………. I can smell her.

The crows cry;

 Kracken!

To Heal or Not to heal, is that the question?

Ode to my Knee:

Oh the times we’ve had running on the football field, from cops, asian gangs and that agro homosexual mob dressed in leather chaps in S.F., How the masses screamed when we did the James Brown inspired splits on the dance floor, jumping over fences out of moving vehicles, trains & planes, swimming w/ Tiger Sharks & Great Whites, and all those round houses you missed saved me from serious jail time,when I face planted you were ALWAYS there to pick me up, damn man the crazy places we’ve been together and the places you got me out of. I owe alot to you my dear freind but look forward to the new Titanium model.

I’ll have to admit that there is nothing quite as humbling as becoming a Convalescent.

Wikepidea defines Convalescence as: Gradual recovery of health and strength after illness or injury.

I always thought it was a term in life when a person was old & abandoned as in Convalescent Home. In any case it proves that in a time of being patient and trusting of others, will most likely result in a faceplant or at least some trying times ahead. If your used to doing things yourself, forget about it, sit back, relax & and in my opinion enjoy the ride with a variety of painkillers and alcohol.

In preparation for surgery I filled out all the proper paperwork on who would be my voice if Im half dead and that would of course be my eldest sister. I left her my comic book collection, 1970’s marijuana pip collection and a shitload of writings to be sold as a collection someday. My brother-in-law after finding out I would be healing up at his house has vollunteered to “pull the plug” if neccasary. I also went on record as being a donar, but only my testicles. I had previously and ingeniously set up my sisters spare room to be totally operational w/ the aid of a crutch such as turning on & off lights, t.v. pencil sharpener, fan, phone, blender, etc. since I knew I would be home alone most the day. I also bought about $300 of frozen t.v. dinners, hot pockets, burritoes, corn dogs and the like.

It’s been 10 days since I got a total knee replacement and finally coherant enough to write since I’ve been on a variety of Meds, over & under the counter. I know my tolerance levels and have a very low one when coming to pain, so I maintain a comforatable level to assist me in my time of convalescing. SO, what happened you ask to get me in the hospital in the first place? Regardless of wether it was a football injury, stage diving accident, climbing accident, dance move gone arry or possibly a inccident when the roller skating craze was happening, the fact remains that it has been some  25+ years that has passed and it has never healed properally probally due to lack of adequet health care in the first place, degenerative bone disease set in and pretty much has been a bitch to live with since. I dont care who you are or what you do but heed my warnings when I say take care of your body. Time Conquers All.

 So I prepared myself for surgery by going to the local bar for a protein laced cheesebuger, a few IPA’s and a shot or two. Then thats when she walked in and sat across from me laughing at my jokes and next thing I know were out on the deck getting to know one another. She said she’s a EMT and grew up around here and wanted to go swimming I suggested we go to my sisters and hot tub instead. So my sister is on the porch when she see’s us coming down the driveway and I introduce whats her name to her. She goes on to tell my sister that Im going to write a poem for her, My sister barks

” Oh Brother! I’m going to bed & clean the hot tub!!”

leaveing us to ourselves. We have a few glasses of wine and she changes into a bikini which is made out of something resembling pantyhose. She is gorgeous and has this amazing body especially considering she’s older than me, no really I havent been with a gal older than me since I was 17, (Im turning a milestone here) which soon leads into the hot tub where she stresses the importance of human touch. Life is such a trip. She sais she will come visit me when Im at the hospital and bring me a suprise which Im hoping will be some cardio work in my room at 4:20 am….

 Dreaming never hurts to try, cuz once you quit dreaming boy,…it’s time to die- Blind Melon

August 21 2012 6:00 am.

I walk into the hospital with a slight hangover and a fear that my blood is as thin as that EMT gal’s bathing suit the night before. I got the shits to boot, I am getting nervous and am sweating 101 proof. “Oh God, I forgot to shave and write EXIT ONLY above my pubic region” I’m really concerned about this since the memories of that jellybean incident back in 87′ have me all rattled ( no pun intended). I thought aloud drawing a curious glance from the decrepet looking nurse. I feel the urgent need to evacuate my bowels before this all goes down and go to the bathroom for the 3rd time, the walls start to breath like that Pink Floyd movie and just when Im about to dive out the window and make a run for it,  some lady calls my name. I pick up my crutches like a first time skier and drag a walker my sister loaned to me since she’s been through this before and to her is no big deal, besides all she would tell me is to

“quit worrying like a little bitch”.

 I look back to her for solice where there is only a empty room, she by all accounts is going to get a bottle or two of cabernet and hitting the hot tub since Im not around for a few days, oh shit…. I forgot to clean it last night after the EMT gal, I guess she’ll ban me………. again..

Well they led me into my room, a small room with high tech shit ozzing out of it and that God awful medical smell that makes me want to hurl already. They sit me down and hand me one of those awesome assless smocks with dinosaur patterns. I hold it up like a kids first jock strap, not sure excactly how it works. Some anesthesiologist starts asking me questions about this and that and blah blah blah as a nurse hooks something into my vein which she sais is really large, we spoke of my large vein until,…. well I dont really remember going to sleep but I sure as hell remember waking up with a shit load of tubes hanging out of me at every imaginable angle, I felt sick and then squeezed something in my hand and smiled drifting off to a place I thought I knew.

Sneaky little buggers took me down without a fight.

The first few days are a blur of sensations, the things you once depended on are devioid and new found abilities present themselves. Like the ability of pissing on ones back with no sensation of the fact your doing it at all. I know its happening due to the fact that they kept changing this bag that kept filling with urine that came from a tube coming from somewhere I really didnt want to think about. There was also a pretty good size  hose that was coming from up above my left thigh & somewhere south of my belly button I also did not really care know the origin of. It had this dark reddish coagulated goo that I only looked at once then put out of my mind until now. There were some cool looking devices that rolled around me with a variety of bags that had to be enclosed in these lockable otter like boxes so no one would heist them while I was sleeping. It just so happened that my RN was my sisters best freind growing up and the CNA was my nieces mother-in-law so between those two I was takien care of. One of them first showed me that cool button thing that releases a small amount of a powerful narcotic which I would come to use as much as possible, the other reminded me of breathing excercises that were much like inhaling a bong. They took care of all my needs which was lying there on my part in a dillerium of joyous splendor to excruciating depths and everywhere in between. My only solice at this time was this gorgeous long blonde haired blue eyed big titty’d cleaning girl, in my delusional state was wearing a real naughty candy striper uniform, I know she was most likely over 75 years old but I love the way my mind plays tricks with me and do my best Ricko Suave’ to woo her but I think from the smell Im omitting she’s not going for it. I dont like getting my vitals taken every so often as well as what little blood I may have left they keep taking.

 Its sort of irritating as I would rather much sleep, Oh’ SLEEP how I LOVE THEE. No Pain, angnst or worries just blackness and nothing, God I love this realm. I would have to admit though that my hospital stay for the most part went off without a hitch. I was a bit concerned as this is probally the first time I’ve ever gone to surgery beides dental for why? you may ask hmmm?

 #1 reason of concern was the facilty I was scheduled to go to had a history of MRSA –

Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA) is a bacterium responsible for several difficult-to-treat infections in humans. It is also called multidrug-resistant Staphylococcus aureus and oxacillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (ORSA). MRSA is any strain of Staphylococcus aureus that has developed resistance to beta-lactam antibiotics, which include the penicillins (methicillindicloxacillinnafcillinoxacillin, etc.) and the cephalosporins. Strains unable to resist these antibiotics are classified as methicillin-sensitive Staphylococcus aureus, or MSSA. The development of such resistance does not cause the organism to be more intrinsically virulent than strains of Staphylococcus aureus that have no antibiotic resistance, but resistance does make MRSA infection more difficult to treat with standard types of antibiotics and thus more dangerous.

MRSA is especially troublesome in hospitals, prisons, schools, and nursing homes, where patients with open wounds, invasive devices, and weakened immune systems are at greater risk of infection than the general public

#2 reason: I am in Lake County the epicentre of bacterial life.

Drug management 101.

When first coming out of being knocked out for any period of time, one tries to communicate with glutoral sounds and hand gestures only a infant or primate could remotely understand. It feels really good for aprx. 10 minutes of being in that place in between dream and reality, that is until your nerves finally wake up at the incision and what follows consist of muscle spasm and waves of pain they like to catergorize in a sort of scale. 0 being no pain and 10 being worst pain imaginable. When the nurse asked me if I could tell her where I was at that moment on the pain level my first reaction was to grab her by her left tit and wrench it as hard as I could while I hit her over the head repeatedly with my bedpan but all I could do was squeeze that button again, wimper and dribble a few more drops into that damn bag. Now Im trying to be conservative in the numbers I relay to the nurse in eyelid batting fluctuations as Im trying to think of the differant pain and the levels associated with it. Like for instance getting a hot wire shoved in my eye  would probally be a 8 or a drill bit through my femur bone  could be a 9 so I start out low balling w/ 5 & 6. A word of wisdom for you people out there, ALWAYS say 10!!! I dont care if you feel nothing at all thats right even when it dont hurt because it will save you alot of pain and discomfort as they dial down the meds AND you will know it as soon as it happens and will be begging for more dope. Im just trying to save you some trouble. I dont care how Manly you think you are. Speaking of Manly, I wrote this on FB soon afterwards when I was able:

OMFG!! I was more concerned about the cathader in my dick  than the “hacking off of bone” as the epideral in my spine and push button dilodin was awesome, but sucked when I tried to pick up on some cleaning lady and damn near fell out on the floor with all kinds of tubes in me, my nurses were great especially when they took the cathader out  with grace and so smoothly… all I could do was breath out and once again wimper, unlike like starting of a lawn mower I envisioned, I kept saying hell mary’s thru out it, Im not Catholic. The Nurse name might have been Mary, I dont really remember. The food sucked. NO ONE BROUGHT ME ANY GANJA FOOD, FUCK OFF ASSHOLES!! OK there was no need for that but this button doesnt seem to be working anymore and Im getting a little irritable. Made me feel better though when the in home nurse told me ” They almost cut off your leg, it should hurt.” those were comforting words. As I dry heaved, she went on to scold me about eating way to many pain pills and chasing them w/ bacardi. I didnt have the heart to tell her about how many differant drugs I was on besides the ones perscribed as I baked over 5 pounds of ganja treats and could barely articulate words. Leg cramps, back spasm and almost pissing on myself daily makes me laugh/cry besides it all, I got one of those old people walkers, polka dotted crutches & a Kamode like a high rise shitter thats fun since my dick is in full on retreat mode like erkle the turtle since over 1/2 of its length was shoved full of tube/hose and apparantly is suffering from PTS so I can only piss somewhere between the upper lid and lower toilet thus all over my smock, I dont think it even cleared my nut sack. The cleaning gal appreciated that Im sure. . They say excerciscing is more mental than physical, try telling that to my leg who refuses to do anything but fucking hurt, I can hear my sister already saying in a loving voice ” Quit being such a pussy, I had three of those done and had two kids and two shoulder operations, bla bla bla……. Oh yeah nothing but love here besides that and thinking of ripping staples out while sleeping is my worst fear, well that and the physical therapist. I cant wait to get the other one done.

I guess the first three days I slept but that all came to an abrupt halt when the physical the-rapist came in looking like a hippy caught in a time warp, loose muppet like hair bouncing with every giddy step and cracking these stupid ass jokes and whistling dixie. I guess you cant blame the guy for trying to bring joy into a otherwise dismal job, I believe he was an Spanish Inquistioner in a past life and is trying to make up for past woes. I also think he introduced himself by tapping on my cathader tube in which my eyes roll into the back of my skull where I can read out in bright red “Kill this mother fucker” so as my eyes roll back and come into focus and Im about to go into “KILL MODE”, the next thing I know he’s dragging my leg across the bed like a frigon gaffed salmon and sitting me up like a half inflated blow up doll, due to the epideral hose in my spine Im flopping around and all I can do to defend myself is lick and gnaw my lips in trying to bite his juggler vein. I sound like Young Frankenstein and perhaps made my first coherable sentence structure “Git ohff me!!” I spat. But no he’s just having his way with me like Johnny Holmes he’s bending my legs in in unimaginable porn like positions, it was grand Ill tell ya, before I could even experience the first wave of pain associated with his sadistic practice he laid me back down into the bed and hooked up this god awful machine that makes your leg moves wether you want to or not and put s the blankets on so tight I thought I would die of asyphyxsiation but thanked him anyhow for not violating me any further. He didnt even care and was skipping on down the tulips or hallway to next poor unsuspecting victim. I contemplated making a police report but am to traumatised to do so any time soon.

 Besides when they first took of the huge dressing wrapped around my leg and I seen the  HIDEOUS staples across my knee, I hit that button until It  damn near broke and I passed the FUCK out.

The nurses are my salvation and have been giving me all kinds of pills for God only knows what one of them being a stool softener since all the opiates their pumping into me is bound to constipate me up which is great since I came in with the Jaegermeister shits anyhow. They told me I wouldnt be allowed to leave until I had a bowel movement so I concentrated on making that a possibility. What would happen over the course of the next few days was trying to pass something apparantly with the density of a meteorite and girth of a hand grenade. I used everyhting at my disposal such as praying, relaxation techniques, belly rubs, chanting, leaning on one cheek to the other as my good leg is jamming up & down like a fucking sewing machine, Im sweating my ass off, simply grateful of the La’mas Breathing techniques I learned from my sister which seem to be coming in useful as well.  In the end after seemingly 14 hours of Man-labor I pass something resembling a small cat turd. I can only wimper and dont even notice I finally cleared my nut sack pissing, yeah once again all over my smock which is now a cute pastel floral print. Considering all the work I put into it I’m a little bummed about the results but hey thats all they wanted so thats all their going to get. HOMEBOUND!! God KNOWS I love drugs but I  just want to go somewhere alone and eat about 5 pounds of ganja cookies.

9-11-12

I got my staples out & Its been 21 days which they say is the worst of it but Physical Therapy started way to late & I have to bust through some scar tissue….. practicing Samba moves in my mind. This morning someone called really early waking me abruptly out of LALA LAND and I kneed myself w/ my bad leg,… that was nice. I woke up screaming fuck, FUck, FUCK!!! My sister  was like ” What?””  I simply  handed her the whole phone unit reciever, jack, portal and all that was on my nightstand, ate some Percosets backed with three Tylenols, two Aleve Migrain gel caps ( which I find hit the system faster) and lay back reciteing something borderline ritualistic and cant go back to sleep, oh dear what to do but write.

9/20/12

Its been 4 weeks and Im 2 weeks into physical therapy, got my knee bending to 90 degrees and walking. Its funny when I think of when people say that a person vehicle is an extension of their personality considering that my truck is also in the shop being torn apart and rebuilt. One thing keeps me going at this point in time and thats thinking of where Im going next. Most likely back to the Islands throughout winter since I dont seem to want to be in anything resembling winter this year, then possibly over into Malyasia and Japan next Spring. I guess I had better request my 3rd passport. I just want to say thankyou to those who have wished me well through this time, I’m healing well and look forward to being mobile!

NICARAGUA DIARIES

Sept. 29 2010

I landed in Managua Nicaragua and it was aparant right off the bat I should have studied Spanish a bit more since I only hear English sporadically. Met up with Andrew at the airport who is holding a sign with my name on it and we get a taxi from an so called authentic taxi driver who showed us his badge that could have said “Get in the car you dumbass gringo and get charged 50% more” for all we knew. We stayed in the Backpackers Hostel with some freindly people who had to walk us out of the neighborhood the next day in what looks to be a 3rd world war torn devestated area which I guess is where were at. There is a Hurricane just North of us causing all kinds of havok with flooding and mudslides. We get off at what is apparantly a town market and bus terminal to catch a chicken bus to Rivas. We must have looked like your typical marks as some guy comes running up to us screaming “Rivas! Rivas! Rivas!” I about pulled out a pencil to stab him in the neck and Andrew was sporting his best Kung-Fu Praying Mantis defence posture. Then next thing I know he’s fighting off some other hustlers that tries to grab his bag which he has a firm hold of but then the first guy to aproach us gestures for us to follow him through the array of buses, vans, taxi’s, food and ware vendors, etc We get stuffed into through the back door of a bus and then Andrew’s giving the guy some money as a gratuity where Im sure we got ripped off by the look on Andrew’s face. We are totally out of our element and hug our backpacks with white knuckles. Im also sure we look scared, well at least Andrew does, I act like I dont even know him since Im dark and he’s obviously Anglo. He tries to use his ipod not only to show everyone where were going but also to speak Spanish for us, most people dont even know what the hell a ipod is down there let alone what to do with it.We get to Rivas and get a taxi who Im sure ripped us off since we paid $20 US to get to the surfing Mecca known as San Juan del Sur, but we didnt give a shit since we were still somewhat shell shocked from the crazy bus terminal action. The taxi was this beat up piece of shit with broken windshield wipers and a unyielding crazed driver who had me praying to  Saint Christopher the patron saint of dumbass travelers. I about had a heart attack as he sped past horse drawn carts, school children, pigs or whatever else was in the road in wild abandon. We even got stopped outside of town and paid some body some kind of fee for God only knows what. The town was full of life and we told the driver in the worst Spenglish ever pronounced that we were looking for a hotel our freinds Shawn & Sarah were to meet us at. Andrew couldnt remember its name but being as savy as I am remembered that it was named Hotel Australia, obviously named after some surfers from down under. I told the driver the name and he looked at me shrugged and farted which Im sure meant he knew what I was saying. After some death defying turns and drifting maneuvers through some shady bario’s we came to the beach front Hotel Estrella’ (Star Hotel) not Hotel Australia, uh, yeah, were in for a hell of a ride in the next 6 weeks. Hotel Estrella having been built in 1929 as a destination for people coming from the Eastern United States up through Lake Nicaragua to San Juan where they caught a steamer ship up to San Francisco before the completion of the Panama Canal. It was a old sort of run down Colonial bulding that was funky in all the right ways and I felt like Humphry Bogart would ask me to play it again.

 We check into the hostel for I think what equals out to be $7 a day, ($140 cordobas) but I wasnt sure since converting the 20 to 1 US currency to Cordobas ($100 = $2,000 cordobas) was like getting thousands off dollars, I havent seen a wad like that since Monoploly. OK back to the journal I kept down there….

Hurricane Mitch has it raining down here like cats and dogs and we are here waiting for Shawn & Sarah to arrive. Andrew is trying to ask the currator if they have seen a long hair Gringo with a bandana and a hot ass chick come through in what I believe is some dialect of Spanish and Sign Language, I once again act like I dont know him and start drinking Flor de Cana Rum which by the way is cheap as water. Im sure you’ve heard all the stories about not  drinking the water because of dysentary, typhoid, and whatever else they have down there so I didnt. I drank Rum.

 After a few drinks and taking Spanish lessons from the house parrot

” Hola!….”

HOLA!……

HOLA!!!

Shawn and Sarah came into the open common room, they were both as red as beets and really didnt even pay us any nevermind, in fact it was as if we were all back at the Dive in Girdwood. I thought Andrew was going to start crying when they came in, I was cool as ice, which by the way cost extra down here and carries pathogens to induce acute stomach cramps (more on this later) they had just gotten back from hell trip down the Rio de Juan to the Carribean side only to find there was no alcohol or food in the town. They sat down with us and we threw back a bottle in the open courtyard sitting in wood and wicker rocking chairs until all road fatigue were extinguished. We finally venture out to the market where Shawn knew of a really cheap but good place to eat. You should have seen Andrew trying to order, ha! that was funny. I felt for the server and sat back and waited for Shawn to order where I stated casually

“Uno mas por favor!’

and pointed towards what he was reading from.  They dont call me the Chameleon for nothing. In fact Shawn did us a great service by not speaking for us while we were down there which was a display of tough love. After a great simple meal of Gallo Pinto, huevos & queso, some pickled onions and some fruit mixes we went out into the town where Shawn showed us all the places we needed to know like what liqour store to go to, what road NOT to walk down and where we can find some weed from the Rasta street vendors who I became freinds with over the next week. We just relaxed there for a few days and I being on a budget, only had a few hundered dollars on me instead of the few thousand I told them all I had, I was looking to get out and live in the jungle in a hammock. We went to a bar that night on the beach where we met some girls from Israel that were flying out the following day and gave me a good size bag of weed but they declined to come back to our room, dammit.

By day 2 Sarah had broken more shit in our room than I could pay for. 1 glass, 1 chair and even ripped some mortar from the wall trying stand erect. We exchanged broken items into empty rooms next door. The building sat on the corner of a beachfront street and our rooms had balconies we could sit out on and people watch. Andrew almost got into it for using one of those laser pens on a dog who was uninterested but the owners of the restraunt across the street bitched him out. Way to go in our first exchange with locals Andrew. The power goes out on a nightly basis which brings the towns people out and about, fireflies buzz throughout the air as do bats. Its on about the third day that Andrew starts to experience these stomach cramps that were at first sort of funny. We lauged our asses as he would be cool then start to grimace in pain, that is until I started to feel them as well. I mean you’d be sitting there bullshitting and joking then next thing you know your on the ground fetus position crying just trying to fart. We took turns laughing at eachother when we were down. After doing a shit load of converting and what not, I found that I had already gone over my budget for the entire weeks worth of my allowance in one night and opted to eat crackers with jelly, bananas, and peanut butter when the others went out for their meals that some surfers left in the room next to us. I also created a list of things not to bring to Central America which include but are not limited to, Huge thick ass hoodie, Jamacain paryphanalia, camo compact w/ 3 colors of face paint just in case of a war, wool socks, blanket stolen from airplane, laser pointer, thick ass cargo pants, heavy leather belt and what Sarah calls my cotton panties. A street fight breaks out amongst what we all thought were peaceful rasta street vendors so I go down and smoke some weed with them and get ripped off by a cute 7 year old girl who sold me some cashews. I am also being stalked by some guy selling clay pots and some street kid who seemingly has adopted me as his father.Shawn is making me drink cheap ass Rum Ron Plata instead of Flora de Cana and chasing it with Tona beers.

Day 4: I awoke covered in war paint and “thug life” written across my stomach unbeknownst to me as I was walking around the common area people were looking at me like I was the Anti-Christ or Tu-Pac. I have a dilema which is that bottled water cost the same as rum down here so I have decided to drink water from tap since Im already pissing out my ass and could care less about yellow spotted fever since Im already seeing green flashes from this rum and am probally sterile as well. Hunter would be proud.

Day 5: Andrew my travel companion contacts intestinal parrasite and coincidently enough since having started drinking tap water I no longer feel the effects of the acute abdominal pains he is. I have developed something strange growing from above my pubic region though that smalls weird. I cant account for it nor will admit to anything, Ialso feel something moving in my arm like a worm or something. I think he also is experiencing heat stroke since his whole body is now radiating enough heat to ward of mosquitos. I wouldnt say panic is setting in but after further more investigations into my funds I have found that I have spent aproximately 1/4 of my total funds in less than a week with 42 days to go and it just hit me that my EBT card probally doesnt work down here.

Day 6: Morale has taken a dive but Andrew’s contractions are getting closer, were all expecting a healthy Pupae any day now. Been in contact with an Eco-lodge on Ometepe Island that actually charges $4 a day to live and work, can you believe it Im actually going to pay to work, I must have lost my mind. I am going crazy trying to convert dollars into cordobas and english into spanish, weed and rum dont help matters much either. Andrews only solice now is the mobile hamburger stand down the street who should simply set up his cart beneath our balcony and throw him up double cheeseburgers every hour as he is shitting so often as to lead me to believe why the sewer system is backing up in town. Oh yeah another curious thing here is that you dont flush your toilet paper down the toilet here, you neatly fold it which is a tricky matter after usage and put in waste paper basket. And God help you if your on the shitter when the cleaning lady is working. I believe we have three prostitues that come by our building every night on their rounds calling out to us “Senor?” I have all the respect in the world for an honest working girl but I draw the line when its a guy dressed as a girl, isnt that false advertising? Yep its true I went through $2,000 cordobas in 6 days, Im pretty well fucked from here, I think the gang has taken pity on me and buy me rum on a daily basis but if you thought Ron Plata was bad try this shit called Caballio… kicks like a small horse in the teeth and i can run my camp stove off of it.

Day 7: I think someone is reading my journal so I can no longer write the truth so Im making it up from here. Shawn wants to lock Andrew out on the porch to see how red he can get, he’s already gone thermal by now and Im sure he’s under satelite survalence. Oh yeah Shawn is now making me dance for 3 cordobas and 1/3 of a bottle of water, 17 more to go and I can drink a $1 beer from El Timon’ Im stoked!! My Spanish Tutor (parrot) seems angry with my progress and simply screams at me:

“Bendejo!”

Theres this weird looking fushia fruit called Patai that is so good, I just ate some ice cream made from it, its awesome with rum I now regurgetate on a regular basis. Besides that I ate 1 piece of bread today, 41 days to go.

Day 8: Today a huge semi came rolling down the street with people in front of it with these long 2×4’s to lift the power lines over its trailer, the inginuety of these people is staggering. Sarah is mumbling incoherantly obviosly dehydrated from shlefing, she keeps calling for her Mom or Shawn, Im not sure. I might have to palpate her as her pulse feels thready. Andrew is passed out since we started drinking at 9 am its almost 2 or 3 now. Shawn got some good Flora de Cana and some bomb ass pieapple and coconut juice and is making some stiff ones that I think I could do intraveiniously but wouldnt be able to taste it. Once Andrew woke up and Shawn passed out we felt spunky enough to Jenga their doorway with a butt load of interlocking plastic chairs, I hope he doesnt have the shits or he’s screwed.

Day9: Shawn rented a truck so we drove to Playa Madera and Magual surfing spots and are kicking it at this cool place called Matillda’s on the beach. The road up here makes Crow Creek seem like its a freeway. Shawn & Sarah are staying at their freinds house down the road and Andrew is renting out a air conditioned room with a toilet whereas I have opted for the more economical dog house. Good God Man! Andrew almost got slapped by this monkey that was chained up at a store. I am eating leftover spagetti, cooking on outside stove.Ate peanut butter and guava jelly sandwhich with ants which Im used to from Kauai. These mini cabana dog houses seemed like a good idea and the price is right but having been made out of cinder blocks they radiate off the heat they have been absorbing all day all throughout the night, I sit there with a shirt and twirl it around until my arm cramps up, if I open the door Iam massacred by mosquitos. My back is down to its last layer of epidermus and Shawns nose looks like a lunar landing port. Andrew is now I believe red enough to get assistance as a Native American and through it all Sarah’s tits are still white, she lost her top in the surf  I had to look away from the glare and now must wear Shawns hideous white framed sunglasses.

Day10: Gheckos are everywhere. the beach here is beautiful except for all the plastic washed up on shore. with every color imaginable, type, and shape. Oil jugs, deodorant cases, baby doll parts, toothpaste roll, lids, forks,insoles,cups,toys, markers, funnels, flip flops, buckets, tooth brushes, medicine bottles, lighters, you name it, its all here on the beach. The creeks and rivers are even worse. The landscape reminds me of what Central California must have been like at one time, the trees here remind me of big black oaks but loftier with vines growing about them. There are wells set up where people do their laundry if not simply in the rivers. I think a botflie just hatched from my arm.

I have mixed feelings about it here in Nica. For one its difficult to communicate and I cant help but think of the difficulty of immigrants in the United States and the challenges they face for everyday task. This country is poor but the people seem happy, I guess they are just happy they are not at war with eachother. The lack of infrastructure is appaling, rolling blackouts, defunct sewage systems, failing roads not to mention the pollution here makes me want to cry and I havent seen one titty bar yet. Besides that its pretty if you can see through all that shit I just mentioned.

Day 13. I jumped in the Ocean when the waves were going out and slammed my face into the bottom, now my neck is all jacked. Not to mention I was attacked by a school of jellyfish so Im experiences facial twitches and my right testicle is swollen. I went to town to check my account and it said $0, I about shit, but Andrew had the same problem. I should have around $350 to make it remainder of time here and head out to Ometepe by bus & ferry to permaculture farm. 1 wafer cookie for breakfast, black bean soup for dinner. Andrew is constantly asking me if I want something to eat, I must be looking emanciated. Shawn & Sarah said its my birthday today and gave me a pair of Ponchorello sunglasses and a bag full of Cordobas and Centavo’s they mustered up between them. I think their trying to pay me off to leave. Another guest at the cabana asked if I wanted some peanut butter, I must be through. Thats nice of them though but I got myself into this situation, Ill figure something out. I have been working on my dancing skills to hustle money on the chicken bus to Ometepe.

Day14: The situation doesnt seem to dire, I mean can a person really die after a month with no food? I dont think so, but it’s going to be hell detoxing when I cant buy anymore rum. I have to stay in my doghouse at night or mosquitos eat me alive and there are these bugs out here that are so small they bite through no see em mesh. One of the German surfers got to drunk and passed out outside, holy shit, it was nasty. He looked like he had lizard skin since he was full of bites everywhere. Its hot as hell in here, With no wind or escape from the heat, reminds me of that movie “Cool Hand Luke” where they lock bad prisoners in a hot box, OMG! Its killing me in here. Down to 1/2 jar peanut butter, 1 sm. jar of jelly, 1/2 loaf of stale bread, 1 bag of noodles, 2 bags of top ramen, 1 bag of premade refried beans. 36 days to go, just like doing time counting down the days. Some people actually come here to vacation, WTF!?

Day 14: Im looking at this mob of mean looking red ants searching for food. Im fighting mosquitos to the death and the Spiders here look like something from Starship Troopers, one ran across the road, I thought it was a rat. Im being attacked from above, below and sideways not to mention this awful heat. My skin is constantly itching and Im not even 1/2 way through it and Im going to have to work in this shit too. Ate 1 pack of cookies w/ guava jelly which taste terrible. I wish a breeze would start, just a little would help.

Day15: Ive mastered the art of origami shit paper folding with one hand in the dark.  We are all sunburnt and peeling bad, Im trying to learn how to read the waves coming in. I was thinking of trying to catch and eat some crabs. Some cool surfers chicks are staying here.

Day18: Today is my last day here @ Matillda’s where the surf is up and people are nice. The kitchen lady Marta has been feeding me a little Galla Pinto and tortillas for a few days so I gave her that box of Salmon I brought from Alaska. One morning I woke up on the beach covered in a sand dune, hermit crabs underneath me, obviosly after one hell of a night. Its been nice here but Im ready to make a move. Last night we all went swimming with a lightning storm off in the distance it was breathtaking. In between the lightning it was so dark we told Sarah to use her Breast of Light to show us the way back to the beach.The cresent moon was still out over us with constellations you dont see up in the US. I cant even find the Big Dipper or the North Star but I think you can see Dracos in the early morning so at least Ill know which was to Costa Rica. Shawn & Sarah are headed there to fly out as they are cheaper, they’re Central American trip is coming to an end whereas for Andrew and myself its only just starting. Im not sure what he’s going to do but I dont think it will be working on a farm. I look forward to Ometepe, the twin volcanoe island.

MAMA KALA

a

When I landed in Honolulu on Oahu I was still wearing my winter AK. clothes but planned ahead and soon stripped down to shorts and a hideous Hawaiian shirt bought for $2 at a thrift store in Anchorage, which I soon noticed no one but tourist wear here in Hawaii. I lost 5 pounds just getting off the God damn plane to catch a flight to Kauai from the heat and it was raining. I landed here on Dec. 1st with $50 in my pocket, a few weeks of unemployment and a backpack full of gear I wouldn’t need. I never planned on coming to the islands but was encouraged by a free spirited Cherokee gal I met back in Girdwood. She said I was a kindred soul & a perfect candidate for a place of rumor and myth on the small island of Kauai. It was one of the last refuges of those who dwell in a place called freedom, a place called Kalalau. I didn’t know what to expect except naked women and waves and that was enough for me. After encouragement from a friend I also cropped my pubic hairs since she said everyone was doing it in Hawaii. Since that time I have met locals and people from all over the planet as this place is a destination for people from all walks of life. I cant really recollect the time frame or the facts but I’ll just sit here and power type, excuse the errors……..

Landed in Lihue……

Dec 1: After landing and missing the small bus that services the island which probably wouldn’t have let me on anyhow due to the size of my backpack, I ended up on my old friend again, the long and winding road. There are chickens everywhere, I feel like I’m in some episode of the Twilight Zone. Didn’t take long to get a ride up into Hanalei coincidentally enough by a kid from Girdwood who kicked me down a bud…. yeah Twilight Zone ahead. This is the surfing town of lore where Puff the Magic Dragon, pro surfers, movie stars & volleyball players live, along with an assortment of travelers, locals, drunks, new agers, yuppies, hippies, freaks, geeks, tweeks and yours truly. I met up with some Ak. peeps at the Church of the Pacific food bank in Princeville as planned and after loading up on rice, canned goods, cookies, & Vienna sausages,  we all went down to Annini Beach one of the few places you can camp out with a permit as it is illegal otherwise. Of course none of us could afford them so we were constantly hiding from the rangers who come to shake tents down and write $100 tickets. I met a eccentric couple there named Magic and Rebecca, Magic has a flaming 3rd eye tattooed on his forehead and Rebecca carries a very large knife strapped to her calf like a Bond girl that makes her rather intimidating and sexy, they’re both just crazy enough to keep predators away yet run a great Luvin Ovens deal from the Rainbow days. I tried my hand at collecting Kahelelani Shells (very small shells that make gorgeous jewelry) but soon found this tiring trying to keep up with tweekers who can clean a beach full of them in blistering speeds that resemble a crab eating in fast motion, so all my hopes and dreams of hustling jewelry I made from them was dashed. Not to mention finding them is one thing, actually making quality jewelry is a total different deal. I think most people would have to be on drugs to make it anyhow. We were chillin’ waiting on a food bank on Friday from a church to kick down before we headed out to the Kalalau trail. Rebbeca took me under her wing and introduced me to the locals that hung out here like Aleki, Uncle Jon and the only guy darker than me, a Filipino biker named Pattrick. I learned allot from these folks on local customs (don’t sit on picnic tables!) like how to throw net and when to go after Octopus, how to watch tides for schools of fish, etc. One thing I learned was never try & Bar-B-Que chicken for Hawaiians, they have it down to a art and I failed miserably and will next time get burgers instead. Once at the food bank people were loading their packs to dangerous weights and then stuffed 5 gallon buckets (keeps critters out) strapped on top of those as well. It seems such a shock being on the island in 75 degree weather (winter time) coming from Alaska’s 25 degree weather. I seen things I only seen on TV and in pictures, I hung out with some really cool folks all just living the life. Annini Beach is sort of a 1/2 way house for those getting ready to go in or decompressing from Kalalau Valley. With a smidgen of locals who can camp/live there 60 days out of the year and a host of windsurfers, Para gliders, sun worshippers, people watchers and of course,…. yours truly. Went hunting after dark w/ headlamps at low tide for octopus,  killing feral chickens that don’t know how to tell time and crow all day & night with simply a crate, rope and some crackers to lure them in. Allot of people said you shouldn’t eat them but my Dad once told me ” Son, if its got motor skills, its got protein. ” so I’m making Chicken Catchatorie, Chicken Enchilada slop, Chicken Soup, Chicken Gumbo, etc. which I made in a crock pot that was plugged in behind the bathroom (along with a coffee maker, hot plate and TV) and soon everyone was well fed and not to mention you didn’t hear as many chickens crowing anymore. I was boogy boarding, drinking beers, got my toes in the sand, chilling island stylee bra… ahhh cuz. I met pro surfer Bethany Hamilton who’s arm got bit off by a shark when she was 15, she’s still hot and kicking ass on the circuit. I met a stripper from Colorado named Anicha, who has these Angelina Jolie lips, green eyes and a voluptuous figure. We hit it off and hitchhiked to the Kalalau Trailhead.

KALALAU TRAIL:

Is probally,… no, MOST definitely the hardest trail I’ve ever hiked, even beyond difficulty of the South Rim of the Grand Canyon, 14,000 Mt Elbert in CO. or up El Capatain in Yosemite. It starts past He’ena at Ke’e Beach where the remnants of the old Hula Heiau remain that all the chosen girls from all islands who were fortunate enough to attend learned the art of Hula. I once seen a bunch of beautiful dark native girls and women run to the beach there where they all splashed each other in the ocean having a great time hooting and hollering then when the Sun was starting to set, they stopped waist deep and started singing this song in their tongue that sent shivers up my spine. I will take that song to my deathbed, it was gorgeous. The trail meanders through the rain forest that is thick and lush at times then clears out towards the coast with palm trees and tall grasses. the trail goes ever onward, upward, downward, inward and outward. Without weight on your back it will kick your ass, and if you say at the end of the trail it wasn’t that hard then you weren’t carrying enough gear. The Ocean is the bluest of blues and I am somewhat disoriented as I am on the northern most tip of the Hawaiian Chain so therefore when I look out to the water I am looking North up to Alaska instead of West as I was ingrained to believe growing up in Cali. The Humpback Whales were coming  there to mate after summering up in AK’s cold nutritional waters and Spinner Dolphins play there as well. The hike into Hanakapiai is mile 2 and it is a gorgeous beach there and a waterfall up valley a few miles. But a 800 foot climb awaits those going onto Kalalau to Space Rock. People are supposed to have permits beyond this point but can only be purchased weeks in advance and for $15 a day, screw it. Space Rock is a huge old black rock out cropping that will have you gasping as you step over to its ledge that plummets its entirety to the crashing waves down below. it is here that you will first see the remote Na Pali Coastline wherein the Kalalau Valley lies and it is here that after much swearing and thrashing myself on the ground that I met a dready guy that lived in the valley named Bif. I thought I was going to die when I reached this point, Rick had sweat dripping off his beard in a stream and it was here that I thought of simply throwing myself off the cliff to the awaiting waves down below in order to just make it stop. But they pretty much all lied to me and said it was “easy going” from then on out, assholes. At mile 6 is a pavilion where allot of people camp overnight as few can make it with a full pack in one day.  At mile 7 is the notorious “Crawlers” section called such that it  is literally carved into the side of a sheer cliff that is 200′ straight from the Sea and only maybe three feet wide allot of people turn back here or crawl. After that its pretty much a cake walk(not really) to Red Dirt Hill and the Fluted Spires of the Kalalau or Mama Kala as She is referred to comes into view. Even though its only 6 miles away by boat from Ke’e, for the hiker it is a total of 5,000 feet vertical and a total of 11 miles in & out, up & down through mud, rock, dense over growth, and what ever else Mother Nature throws at you. There are the Bluffs, the Valley and the Beach camp areas where a assortment of campsites are located. There’s allot of people coming for different reasons like spiritual enlightenment, guidance, nature, warrants, etc. some are running too things while others are running away from things and others simply stay put as some have called Mama home for not years but decades. I wouldn’t say that there is a structured commune as reported out there as everyone is pretty much doing their own thing but they tend to hang out with others of the same mindset. When I 1st came in I had mostly camper pre- made packets of food and lots of meat. I ate it all soon and found myself with not much left for the rest of my time in there so was forced to go harvest fruit I really didn’t like or know what it looked like for that matter. Yeah I was one of those idiots the locals cant stand crawling up in the trees grabbing green bananas and the like of Guava, Papaya, Limes, Oranges, Tamarind and stuff. Always trying to catch a feral goat was our first month pursuit, well that and the hot ass naked chick on the beach. My Alaskan Friends Rick and Flea had been here for about a month ahead of me and introduced me to allot of folks out there but I was simply put, a stranger in a strange land. I was in a true paradise where at any moment amongst the cascading pools and lush tropical forest I was expecting a maintenance guy to come out from behind a fake tree and turn off the water ride, and tell me the park was closing, yeah it’s that beautiful. The people who have been here awhile mostly go out once every month or longer and buy bulk goods and dehydrated stuff, then pay to have a boat drop. I would soon find myself down these isles I used to shun as for those patchouli smelling dirty ass hippies yet I admit I learned to cook with foods like Quinoa, Couscous, Falafel, Coconut Oil, Blue Agave, & Cacao. I was baking breads and pizzas and cakes with improvised Dutch ovens made from whatever I could find. We ate meat rarely when available like wild goat chili provided by a dog named Koa, Boar Stew usually sent in by 8 mile Bill, Coconut Prawns from the creek, and once in awhile some fish Uncle T would catch. Uncle T has been out there I think for 20 years and is one of the patriarch’s out there who casted of society in exchange for a simpler life. He met a beautiful oriental Kiwi ( New Zealander) lady named Alise who specializes in holistic healing and spiritual guidance whether you want it or not. One time Tennessee had some bad stomach cramps and he asked her what he should do for it, thinking she was going to tell him some type of herbal remedy to consume but what he got instead was a situation where she was asking questions about his childhood and told that he had some work to do on his inner-child, I seen him walking back up to the Forbidden Forest where we had set up camp and he was damn near crying and wanted to be left alone. We drummed and danced well into the night, we laughed and frolicked on the beach with nothing but what God gave us to wear. We made cakes, salads and goulashes and what would become a ritual was the variety of ways in which you could do it with what you had available, I was fully impressed with what people were doing out there with what limited ingredients they had and was no less than fine cuisine. Everyday was a new adventure with new beautiful people coming and going. Boat drops, Helicopter landings,  Bon Fires, Hula Hooping, Surfing and Naked Women everywhere……………I got gifted a Dodge caravan by one, that’s why I’m out now, Oh shit that’s a later story  I got to get back in there, I don’t know when Ill come back out but I thought Id let you all know I’m cool man…………………. It inspired me to write the first song and accompanying music:

ALOHA SONG:
Flew into Lihue and hit the food bank, fell into Kappa and scored myself some dank, 
You know I got high Lord, you know I got high…..
Got my mamas blanket and my daddy’s fishin’ line
You know I aint trippin cuz I aint doing time, 
And time aint doing me no Lord, No… not me 
I aint a fuckin hippy, Im not into new age
Yet you wonder why Im barefooted today
I didnt get taxed just got fucked up in Hanalei, 
Its OK Lord.    you know its OK……. Lord you know its OK…..

This place is old, extremely older than the other Hawaiian isles, some estimates are not only hundreds or thousands of years older but 10’s of thousands with the landscape nothing short of spectacular, the people beautiful. The Kalalau trail teaches you to be in the moment as one wrong foot placement can lead to death. The Na Pali Coast is old Menehune ( Ancient Civilization) and the ruins are strewn throughout the old terraces on cliffs that jut 4,000 feet above sea level. they call it Kalalau University for there is so much Mother Nature will teach and manifest for people, what they really need, not what they think, I’ve seen it with my own eyes. the people back there fell off from ” Babylon”(Outside World) years ago and live in a separate reality, I feel blessed and my only regret is that I know I should only visit for a short time for I feel as if I could spend the rest of my life here. Mangoes, Guavas, Lilikoi, Java plum, oranges, limes all nourish me, my soul is at ease…………….. I am blessed.Not to mention when Anicha and I hit the pools I suggested we take some nudes of her in this beautiful setting which she agreed, what a gorgeous day I will remember for ever.

Now that you have a “feel” for what is the setting, its the real deal I plan on writing about so prepare yourself, like one local told me.

” You going on one hell of a ride with me Fucka”

The Following is from my Journal I kept in there that lasted a total of
Six Months & Ten Days

Dec.1st, 
Annini Beach has a collection of freaks, tramps, locals, shells, bikinis and a river to fjord across up to Princeville  which is interesting at night on acid w/ Mud Skippin’ Tiger Sharks. High tide took out my tent. I lived off an Avocado tree I found, tent repair, stash shit. Church of the Pacific food bank is like a community center where you can catch up on the local gossip and load up on grub and hit on hippy chix. Met up w/ Rick, Tennessee & Sean who turn me onto St. Williams food bank and load up more food to take in Kalalau. Rice, Canned goods, cookies & other stuff that should be good.
Start trail head @ noon from Ke’e with packs loaded to the hilt 100lbs+.  along w/ 5 gallon buckets full of more shit strapped onto those, we look ridiculous and people were take pictures of us and pointing. Oh God if I only knew what I was in for……

Dec 6th
We made it in finally, I thought I was going to die and questioned why I brought in so much stuff. Millions of ants on my shit since I didn’t want to bring in a bucket.   The Mango trees are HUGE!! I seen a couple of remnants of tree houses in them. Goat chase only leads to torment through dense bamboo and thickets from hell. Did find marijuana crop though, if I only knew where the hell I was. Naked sunbathing feels good on nuts. Terraces of old Menehune culture nothing short of Machu Pichu, they estimated that a culture of thousands lived back here long, long ago. Eating lemons and what I think is guava at least I hope its guava. Huge dragonflies, blue & green. Must lose everything in order to gain anything. Attacked by at least 5 different species of bugs noted by size of reaction on skin. I left rain fly open so tent is full of cockroaches, STAY on TRAILS!! I take off my shoes and try to walk like locals, killing me though. Uncle T sais the rocks only hurts as hard as you kick them and sais you need to feel the Earth between your toes for all She is trying to do is heal you.

Dec 12
Noni Bad. Its the weirdest looking fruit I have ever seen, sort of looks like a huge transparent maggot. Hippies will tell you its good for you, Hawaiians will tell you otherwise. I guess the women used to use it for their hair and skin and was called Hawaiian Birth Control since it smells so bad no guy wants to come around you. Well I was dared to take a bite and I was down, now mind you I have eaten some weird stuff in my day but nothing could prepare me for what this stuff tasted like, I wanted to cut out my own tongue and would dry heave for days after when I seen or smelled it. Yeah, that bad. I tincture & Superglue cuts to keep from staff which is in soil and water. OMG, everything bites, scratches, rips and burns. Made agreement with ants to clean up for rent since they aint going anywhere anyhow. It seems everyday is a chore to get wood, water, make fire which is frigging hard here in tropics, looking for elusive fruit trees, scout for place to live away from others. Found some greens to boil. People say I need to slow down, I’m all over this place looking, searching for I don’t know what, I cant sit still……….hungry.

Dec 18
My mending skills suck as I sewed my tent fly to myself. Met beautiful girl Olivia, Bo Derek look alike, nudity has a sense of innocence here. Quinten going away party cheesecake, I almost ate my fingers! Ocean can be playful like a child and enticing yet other times menacing and foreboding. I don’t know what’s harder to catch, these Erkels (Hawaiian Turkey) or these elusive Valley Girls who simply disappear into the jungle when I see them. I think I seen a girl from Girdwood here Mary Anne but she now calls herself some weird ass Earth name. It seems lot of people change their name in here to Sky, Gaia, Stardust, Ash or whatever…. I wonder what they think of mine? Mashed Powder Potatoes and Ant gravy for dinner, I broke off from the group on my own. Tent poles broke, but I fixed with branches and multi tool, I AM MAN! Toads the size of softballs sit on trail like Buddha. I hear you can lick them, Hmmmmm? There is a Phantom crapper in our midst who doesn’t seem to care where they squat, as horse size patties are around our camp & near drinking water. I have asked Rick to quit making so many pancakes for the drainbows.

Kalalau Etiquette:
Apparently its ok for 2 girls to hang out naked on beach but not ok for 2 dudes unless separated by a naked girl in between them. Pretty much its ok for naked chicks to do anything they want out here. She Power. Since being here I have noticed most of these hippy gals are A’ La Natural, down below.. whereas, I am now suffering from 3rd degree sunburns on afore mentioned shaved area (and you guessed it: using Noni to help pain) that now resembles the endangered Red Bottle Nosed Shrew.  I curse that gal back in Alaska that suggested I shave in the first place.  Holy Shit Big Ass Orb Spiders!! I almost jumped to my death off a cliff when I walked into one of their webs, I didn’t care. Tennesee setting snares for goats and now paints himself up like those kids in that movie Lord of the Flies, I’m a bit concerned about him. I’m down to around 185 or so, shorts wont stay on anymore, don’t use them anyhow. I weighed 220 when I left AK. Id kill for a IPA right now. Speaking of alcohol were gathering up Lilikoi and guava to make wine with sugar and yeast, but you got to squeeze a shit load of these damn things. Don’t do cartwheels naked. This place is like a dream, everyday gets better.

 This one disheveled guy showed up wearing a full tunic & carrying a staff to Uncle T’s kitchen, He said: 
” Hello I’m Jacob.”
 I was like 
” Holy Shit!
 “I thought you were Fucking Jesus!!!,” 
“I ain’t ready yet, I have so much more to do.”
He stared at me blankly w/ Barney Rubble like blank eyes. There was a moment of awkwardness then he said that he was told we would feed him, luckily for him I had some fried ants & roaches, one of my favorites.
He brought in some old lady that must have took a hit of some good shit in 68′ because all she did was stare at her feet and hum allot, bless her heart.
We called them Jesus & Mary. They simply fell on the ground and set up camp 20 feet away on the trail actually all they did was roll up in his tunic like a burrito. Me & Uncle T just sat there and stared at them in disbelief.
“Well” 
I thought 
I guess we’ll have to wait on the second coming until tomorrow” 
which was postponed three times the following day since they slept in late.
” Sorry folks” 
I would yell as new hikers had to step around the dynamic duo,
 “Second Coming has been rescheduled until noon!”
After they rose from the dead and wandered into oblivion I hung a sign where they lay it read:
Jesus & Mary slept here.
I met a beautiful girl in here (from all places)  Fairbanks AK. her name is Heidi. Short blond hair, blue eyes great body and she’s just a sweetheart. Now unbeknownst to most people, I have had difficulty getting into the Ocean Surfing. Yeah Jaws fucked me up as a kid, that’s why I don’t bathe often. Anyhow, she had been coaxing me into the waves for some time and even though her scantly clad  figure in her little booty shorts was of a great encouragement I was in self preservation mode. Finally after days of trying to get me beyond my naval into deeper water she made her move. One gorgeous starlit crescent moon night while on the beach she took me by my hand and said it was time…..
“OK” 
I thought”
 I sort of postponed it w/ every bullshit line I had in my quiver of delusions. Finally, she looked at me with a smile and let go my hand and walked away from me slowly allowing her sarong to glide down her body that stood out white amongst the silver reflection of the moon on the water, she then looked coyly back at me holding one of her breast, mockingly, and disappeared into the dark water & crashing waves. At that moment I swear to God that my Deceased Father reached down from above and slapped me upside my head for the next thing I know I’m diving butt ass naked into her awaiting arms and legs where we floated in the rip tide down the entire length of the beach, the 12 Sisters above (Fluted Mtn. Ridges) Smiled down at these passionate creatures below and the sharks gave us our privacy that night. Somewhere in the Deepness two Humpback Whales were also engaged with each other.

Jan. Something or another?
Dear Journal:
I am walking my toad Kermit on a leash as it produces more sweat to harvest for baking goods and oils, you should see the crystals on his back.. Ganja Cakes are a bit potent though as the beachers are staring at the Sun and allowing sand to drift through their fingers in amazement and glee, climbing trees, howling, laughing hysterically or running in shear panic. Breaching Whales, Rainbows, in the distance kiss the Ocean. Tennessee is still trying to kill Erkels ( Hawaiin Turkey) with his homemade crossbow that looks like Fred Flintstone himself designed, he is wearing war paint now. Sean is singing away with his guitar which attracts allot of girls to our fire. I just seen 3 guys in loincloths carrying spears run by, I thought I was hallucinating old spirits but one was wearing horn rimmed glasses, I think their going prawning. I cooked up a shitload of Lilikoi’s in the Milo Forest, smelled so good. Started a batch with 10 pounds sugar, yeast and around 4 gallons of cooked Lilikoi juice. Found a old water jug I cleaned out with boiling water and using a condom ( a precious item out here) over mouth to allow gas to expand but keep bacteria out. Its going to make a great wine I plan on sharing with everyone. Rick and crew moved up to the Outlaw pools and he’s been squeezing guava’s for a week solid. Brazilian Cardinals, White Rumped Shama’s, Turtle Doves are my friends…. and I enjoy their presence. The elusive Valley Girls have somewhat accepted me since I brought some homemade wheat Oatmeal Maple Bread I made to Lonnies birthday party. The girls are now doing Arts & Crafts on the Bluffs on Wednesdays, showing me how to weave cordage out of yucca and make baskets with beach sage, False Howe and Agave, Sierra sais I have learned fast & I was pretty amazed at the basket I made. I don’t know who Wilson is anymore…..( my miniature volleyball I found in Annini Beach)
As he has manifested into something I don’t recognize w/ nose ring, tattoos, 1,000 yard stare and doesn’t talk much anymore as he used to never shut up and was always on my back (clipped to my backpack)
Saved a dark hot ass little gal named Paloma twice now from being swept out to sea, I think she just likes watching me run naked, no one else even tries they just all yell for me and I’ll come crashing from out of wherever the hell I’m at. We went to Queens Bath ( A huge lava shelf that has a huge pool in it that crashing waves fill and it ebbs and flows and catches beautiful Tropical Fish) the day of the Non-Tsunami and waited for the Big Wave to catch 10 x 1,ooo. it never came but we had a blast skinny dipping with sea turtles. She’s so damn nice, I don’t even want to hit on her.

 I’m still running around crazy throughout the valley. 
If Uncle T wants me to check on something way the fuck up valley, I’m there.
“Hey Panman, we could use some thing or another up by the Labyrinth” Bam! I’m gone.

Oh my God, Crystal’s Ass should be immortalized in Marble. Is like a upside down Heart.

BREE-
The push up to Space Rock (highest point on the Kalalau trail) is only 800′ above sea level but with its switchback and forth, in & out of valleys with razor weed cutting and slicing your arms and legs you’d swear it was more. The trail around here is usually greasy with mud, I was on my way out to get provisions ( yeah it was the 1st) the weather was hot & humid and I had a good clip going. When I got to the top I took off my pack at the huge monolith known as Space Rock and climbed around it to an outcropping overlooking a straight drop to the crashing surf below where whales and dolphins can usually be spotted. As I came around the rock I was set aback by the vision of a gorgeous ice blue eyed blond sunbathing topless. I went to leave not wanting to bother her (obviously now used to seeing naked women everywhere) when she leaned up on one elbow and asked me if I’d like to smoke a bowl with her, you know me. When she put one hand to her face to block the Sun from her eyes I could see they were dilated and she had a perfect wide white smile. She also had tiny freckles on her nose and her breast were much whiter than the rest of her body with soft pink nipples, compared to the rest of her body they stood out. I tried to lock onto her eyes as we talked and smoked being mindful not to stare at her tits as they heaved up and down with each breath she inhaled off the pipe. She wore these cute little Daisey Duke jean cutoffs and no shoes and she introduced herself as Bree.
We sat up there talking about whatever and enjoyed each others company. I think we split an Orange as we talked about the valley. She wanted to hike in and look for this handsome tall red headed guy she met outside and said he lived in there and asked if I knew him, I didn’t. She wasn’t sure if she could make it alone, I told her she should go in if it was calling her and I would escort her if she wanted. She looked at me the way someone looks at you when they’re trying to read you. I said my pleasantries and told her I had to go even though it was the last thing I wanted to do.
A few days later I was hitch’n my way back in from shopping in Hanalei when a maroon Dodge Caravan pulled over and as I ran up to the door I recognized that smile and those eyes as she piped
” Pan? You going back in?”
“Yep” I replied.
“You wanna ride bro?”
“Sure” I said.
I threw my backpack in the rear sliding door and jumped in hoping I didn’t smell to funky. She was coming from a Yoga class and was driving to get some spring water up by He’ena which is near the trail head. She was somewhat quirky and vibrant like unspent energy and in her enthusiastic state of mind she went on to tell me how she came from California to work on her Mind, Body and Soul.
As we drove on she kept looking over at me in some peculiar way that made me feel strange, then she’d ask these off the wall questions about me, like my birth date and wanted know more about me. This went on for a few miles and she said she wondered why I came into her life, I said I didn’t know but I was sure I could come up with something, she laughed at that. We made it to the spring and got the best water I ever tasted. It was very refreshing and that moment was poignant for some reason I cant explain. Then she drove me to the trail head and she asked if she could hike in with me to Hanakapiai Beach,
 I said “sure.”
I remember my 5000 ci backpack was stuffed to the brim and close to 80+ pounds as it was my 1st bulk item purchase. I learned from the hippies that instead of buying pre made ready meal  packets that if you bought staples like flour, sugar, coffee, rice, dehydrated beans, humus, quinoa, and oats it could go further. It was in sharp contrast to what Bree had on, simply shorts and a tank top, people laughed at us as we climbed that old black rock, she jumping barefooted from rock to rock, me cursing every step in pain.
We got to Hanakapiai in a few hours give or take whereas you have to cross the rapids on foot to make it over to the beach. This is where tourist usually congregate and can barely make it across without getting swept out to sea due to the rapids and it was here that I simply bounded across the rocks like a leopard to the other side & let my backpack drop to the sand. Bree started doing these incredible yoga positions on this huge boulder. Her belly had just enough of a paunch to enhance her delicate yet strong beauty, her legs were lean and I thought I was in heaven when she arched her back and tightened her ass holding these poses for what seemed forever with the waves crashing around spraying her with mist.
We ate a quick lunch hugged and kissed and said goodbye and spoke of when the time would be right for her to come in. Unknown to me at the time it would be the last time I would see her. As I headed up that long trail I stopped and spied on her from above as she stepped like a deer through the river staring in wonderment of the passing ripples with those what I knew to be, dilated ice blue eyes. 

Nikki See Nikki Do-

So I’m slowing down a little bit getting to know the valley and its inhabitants. There’s a place where people go to bathe and I was on my way to do so when I seen Gila in the pool I usually went to so went around to another where I came around the bend and hear_
“PAN?! Holy Shit dude, you cut your hair!”
“Almost 2 years ago” I said running my hands though my blond tipped do.
It was my friend Nikki See whom I knew from Girdwood AK. and taught how to fish @ Bird Creek for Coho Salmon years before. We got caught up and I invited her over to the Milo Forest where I was staying since it was full of phantom camps ( empty tents people used as staging areas for boat drops) No body ever was there I loved it. My closest neighbor was Bif over by his garden which he spent most his time in weeding in the buf.. She is probably 6’2″ if not bigger and is a good looking blond Amazon I always thought about. Weird huh? To bad she brought her boyfriend, whatever. They kicked it with me for about a week and she asked me if I would like to come out and stay with them at the Hanalei Bay Resort for a night or two and party, 
“Hell Yeah” I said.
While we were out I stopped by the Farmers market and seen Paloma who I met in the valley. She introduced me to a fucking HOT AS HELL blond girl from Cali named, of course…Summer. She worked with her at Marys Farm. OMG! She had a figure that could conquer Nations & She was so God damned beautiful I had to be with her. I soon found myself inviting them over the the resort as if it was my own for some drinks and hot tub action. It was like Baywatch. We rocked that swimming pool area with waterfalls and coconut trees. 1/2 Naked Coconut Oil rubdowns on lawn chairs, Pinna Colada’s, Rock Star status.
Within 24 hours unbeknownst to me the girls would all be gone and I would wake up in a jungle with no shoes, backpack or clue to what happened. I sort of remember from the night before being at a bar called the Tahiti Nui and drinking w/ Tennessee after the pool debauchery, so I went over there since it was across the street anyhow. I went in there looking for my wallet and backpack but it was closed so I stood outside sweating, shaking and looking like death. While I was experiencing DT’s some other guy walked up looking for his beach cruiser he left there as well, we stared off into space trying to recollect what had happened the night before, after coming up with nothing between the two of us he asked what I was looking for. I told him my backpack.
He said ” Hey I just seen one in a yard when I was walking up here, I thought it looked weird just sitting there”
As I went to investigate a couple pulled up in a car I didn’t recognize acting like they knew me
“Yo dude Howzit?”
I stared at them blankly licking my parched ass lips ” cool” was all I could get out.
“Yo man, are you looking for your shoe?” 
“Why as a matter of fact, yes, ….YES I am.”
“You left it in our car last nite…” then they handed me someone else’s right shoe.
I found my backpack but no wallet. 
So I lost my shoes and the bar didn’t have my wallet with my UT. drivers license, AK. EBT card, HI. library card which I searched for days to no avail. FUCK! 

So I was pissed broke and barefooted. Decided to go into Valley demoralized and broken. As I was hiking back in, people stared at me and pointed whispering
” Look its one of those people that live back there in the valley.”
One guy asked if he could take a picture of me and asked me how I hiked on that trail barefooted.
I said-
” Fuck Off Man, I aint no Hippy or New Age Type, I just got fucked up in Hanalei and lost my shit!”

Manifestations:

As I stated Mama Kala is a magical place and you need to eat seven Vervane blossoms going in to get into that state of mind and must break through 12 Spider Webs in order to get out of that state of mind. ( A forthcoming story soon) It said right in the Aloha Song, “I ain’t a fuckin’ Hippie and I ain’t into New Age” but I seen some shit back there I have no explanation for. Like for instance by far the most alluring is the power of Manifestation.
One has to be careful when making wishes back there because Mama will take your wish into account but may give you something else within the wish you made which makes for interesting combinations, Case in Point the following:

As I crept up to the Giants Ladder with a huge backpack on my back, a drop dead curvaceous blond named Summer standing on top, screaming- 
“Pan! Fuck Yeah!”  This trip doesn’t suck anymoreeeeeeeeeeee!”
I ran up to her and grabbed her close and tight.
“I told you I’d find you” I slurred.
She told me of her hell trip out here with her girlfriends Lyndsy & Flo, from Mary’s Farm ( Kala Lau 1/2 way house) in a full on down pour. Lyndsy looked like the girl next store and Flo was a curly-sue firecracker. They had many trials & tribulations along the way and their feet were tore up from wearing Chacos (open feet sandals) and all had developed blisters which broke and were rubbed raw. It was bad. With the encouragement of Uncle T, I soon found myself on my knees tending to their medical needs, not to mention sneaking a beaver shot or two while I was at it…..

Mama Kala Journal Entries:
Jan ?

 I asked Mama for some hot ass women, OMG did I ever get them. After these gals from Mary’s Farm pulled in I gathered em’ up (much to the dismay of the Honeymoon Suite boys) and tended to their wounds and somehow became a slave to the fire pit I built & fired up in the Milo Forest that had previously been abandoned, full of only Phantom Camps. The smell of “Puni” must have been in the air sweeter than Lilikoi Wine for next thing I know, guys just showed up hanging around the area tightening tarps, slack lining, making broken surf board furniture and it somehow morphs into a “Community Kitchen”. I also became curator, cook, firewood gatherer, water boy, nurse and entertainment. All the while Marys Farm girls are being offered gifts as if they were from the heavens above, God knows they were blessed with attributes Ill leave to your imagination but Jesus Fuckin Christ where did all these guys come from? Their tents would somehow appear the next morning having magically being erected in the wee hours of the night. Some didn’t even have tents they were curled up outside the girls tent or near the fire. Reminding me of the never ending battle that a spawning salmon must endure to keep younger “rouges” from trying to fertilize the receptive females red. I would be escorting one guy out and three more would be crawling, rappelling or swimming into camp. I guess you cant blame a brother for trying but Holy Shit, its a full days work out chasing these fucka’s, but then I got to thinking ” if these guys want to bask in all these women’s beauty then their going to have to earn it” and in turn I delegated chores to one and all. It made all the time in the world for the girls and myself to go to the beach since they couldn’t walk far. After awhile the girls even got into it stacking firewood and breaking of twigs and others showed up hanging out playing music, acting out movies, bringing food they harvested, playing cards, wood carving, cooking went from coffee into full on breakfast into lunch and dinner and then some, where we all took turns cooking. Everyone had their own specialty and Paloma’s fruit pancakes were always a big hit. She could be a model dark enough to pass for Hawaiian but was from Texas. I had to keep the girls on a tight leash as they were prone to ending up disrobed in a variety of places. Helping Summer shower beneath the waterfall with her barbed Double D’s I’m sure is still etched in the back of my skull, even though all I did was hold the PVC pipe for her to get those hard to reach places. We would go to the beach and I would always have a camera handy to get some shots of people living the dream and it wasn’t without hesitation that I asked the girls to do some poses for me much to their dismay and constant badgering. One day though they gave in and people walking by stared in disbelief as I’m shouting directions out to them ” Slam that Hip!, Get Wet!!, More Curves!!!, Throw your Hair!!!!, etc. etc. Ultimately I filled a 4 G card with beautiful nudes,.. only to later lose that camera, ah cant dwell on it.. Life’s a Beach. But Ill admit it was hard to live with for awhile. Who am I kidding? I still wake up crying about all those photos…..Fuck.
Soon though I was burnt out on the circus that was created in the Milo forest and the girls ran me ragged during they’re stay, besides I needed another camera and was willing to use my last bit of cash to get a waterproof one with a 8 G card this time and besides Lonnie needed a Mule to go out.
When I got out I thought Id give Bree a shout out and called her from some friends cell just in the knick of time as she said:
“PAN?! Holy Shit Dude, I’m at the airport now and I met this most amazing yoga instructor and I’m following him to Big Sur California, he’s gorgeous..”
“great”… I thought.
“Hey, do you want my van?” she said.
“what?” I said.
“Well hold onto it or sell it or whatever, Ill leave the keys on the tire its in the Lihue airport parking lot, I gotta go,  love you!” 
click. that was it, just like that. 
So there I am kickin’ it with all these other tramps at the Hanalei Center picnic bench’s and tell them I got to hitch a ride to Lihue to pick up a van that was gifted to me. Everyone looks at me like I’m bullshitting them. Paloma looks at me with her big brown eyes and sais
“Damn, Pan, whad’a you do in a past life?”
Then Bobby said
” Hey I’m driving that way but have to stop and see Larry & Rich @ Kapa’a Beach,”
 and hands me a bottle of tequila. 
I remember getting to the beach where we drank more tequila and some vodka provided by Rich & Larry, two old school Kalalauns. Rich who is very talented played his guitar and fed me saying I looked staffy. These two guys were wary of me when I first went into Mama but now were friendly enough and were great entertainment. After swimming at Kealia beach we made our way to Nahiliwili Taven where we drank some IPA’s and watched the Superbowl. I think, that well after that Bobby reportedly dropped me off @ the Lihue Airport where I for no reason promptly and for no apparent reason threw my backpack off into some bushes and proceeded to look for Bree’s van. Now I’m fucked up mind you, not knowing where it was parked in the lot. After what was probably a few hours I found the van and then realized that my backpack was missing. I went to security who said they had seen it but left it where it was…. yeah after 911 I doubt it. Local Tax #1. It had my passport and my camera full of nudes from Anicha, Summer, Flo, Lydsay, Paloma not to mention the rest of my trip. I was crushed and contemplated running myself over since I now had a new van. If someone wanted to try and assume my identity GOOD LUCK brother, I’ve been trying to get someone to take over mine for years. 

Had to register as Hawaiian resident to get a ID so I can fly off island someday, which Im sure will fuck with my AK. PFD.

PANVANDO

I got gifted a 1997 Dodge Caravan that is in great condition, painted maroon with blacked out windows. There is no rear seat and a mattress in the back, a ac inverter with a hot plate and coffee maker. Weird ass hippie shit art inside and a cassette deck with a old Devo tape in it. As I pulled back into Hanalei I seen the silhouettes of 6 people walking down the streets with 5 gallon buckets, who else could it be but the Kalalau gang preparing for a boat drop. I pulled slowly up to them blasting ” Whip It”, everyone was like “Holy Shit!!” and without even asking I got a van full of funk ass smelling hippies. Bif, Rick, E, Flea and Blue all patting me on the back as we drove down to meet Burt at Black Pots and party the fuck down.
Next morning the boat arrives and we load it up but not before E realizes he’s lost 10 grams of hash which we all drop to our hands and knees scouring the driftwood strewn sand, coincidently driftwood looks uncannily like hash. Needless to say, it was never found. 
“If it weren’t for losers there’d would be no winners.” 
My coach would always say.
 I drove everyone to the trail head and was thankful I didn’t have to hike in since they all were hung over and looked like hell.
I went to Mary’s farm to find the girls after a few days of driving around the island. When I got there I found that they too had developed a staff infection from their wounds being exposed to dirt which they generously shared with me since I was tending to their wounds. So I drove us all to the hospital where we got our pills and stuff and I jumped on one of those scales, I about shit when it read 169 lbs. No fuckin way, it must be broke but the nurse assured me it was working just fine, I lost 50 lbs. in 2 months. I haven’t weighed that since Jr. High School! I took the girls on a shopping spree at the Free Store, a store where everything was free, no shit. Quinten once went in there and the guy made him shower before getting free cloths. We also hit up the Salvation Army and rallied every food bank from Lihue to Kapa’a where the girls tried on every top and bottom in the hall much to the enjoyment of the owner. I also turned them onto Vicky at the Outreach Center where you could use her phone, has job leads and food. She’s really nice. I cancelled my passport and tried to get ahold of surviving members of my family to send ID. Jesse in AK. found my temporary UT. D.L. and sent that with my phone ( which I lost last winter up Crow Creek, totally different story) Got ahold of Alameda County Recorder and request Birth Cert. Used Mary’s Farm address.

Sometime late Feb early March ?

Panman Kalalau Escort Sherpa Services

Well the saga continues, I just picked up Paloma with two hotties named Mimi & Lizzie. Lonny came out with me and were all going to the other side of the island to a 17 mile stretch of beach called Polahale. Im reading Hunter S. Thompson’s “The curse of Lono” about his time on Hawaii. Lizzy is 20 years old with these legs that go all the way to her ass, green eyes, short wavy brown hair rosy cheeks and an infectious laugh.
Mimi is a cute redhead that dances with her shadow in the most alluring of ways. Her & Lonnie hooked up quick and I’m trying my best with Lizzie. Since Lonnie’s Mom found him we have all been lost, we have been drunk for days. Got deluged on at the Sea Lodge where I lost the keys to the van but Paloma found them. I am having difficulty articulating words, Jimi still rocks, KOA van Hookup for block of cheese. I have no sense of time.
Rule #1
wait at least 1/2 hour between taking hits of acid of unknown origin to experience results of psychosis!! I hope I’m not driving,……… whoa! what was that?
Drunkass Lonnie challenged a 5 year old to a fight in the hot tub at some club house I have no idea who lives here. I’m hitting on two different chicks at the same time one being afore child’s mom and another I’m sure was born before the turn of the last century.
From there its not all that clear but the van looks like ground zero.
 Empty Beer, wine and Rum Bottles everywhere, scattered smidgens of marijuana, 5 different peoples underwear, food, hygiene and birth control products from every food bank, salvation army, church, and outreach centers on this side of the island. Can goods of questionable age, stale cookies, smashed top ramen, cereal, etc. We stop in on the beach house and meet a variety of characters. Paloma volunteers here and introduces me to Denise and Cheyenne, ooh-la-la. I witness a guy getting stabbed at the park right next to me for making fun of some guys pink beach cruiser.
I have come to realize that while nearing my birthday I am inexplicably drawn to 20 something year old women which simply leads to frustration. I started smoking cigarettes when I ran out of weed and since tobacco grows wild, I am ashamed since I detest people that smoke its a character flaw as far as I’m concerned, what a hypocrite. I have only one week to purchase a discount plane ticket back to Alaska and have been unable to convince any woman to do so for me. I have only drugs and  no cash left. On a more positive note Lizzie shows promise of giving in to my advances….. she’s passed out.
 Fuck! I should make these bitches walk to the trail head but I feel obligated. God damn these chickens never shut the fuck up! I wake up everyday with someone else’s body part on me, I think I was grinding on Lonnie’s Mom, who I thought was Lizzie, dammit. Were wearing and recycling each others clothes. Were here at the beach house hostel in Kapa’a now where everyone seems like a junkie, tweeker or kickin’ Oxi or whatever. Finally got a shower after god knows how long. The interior of the van is like an archeological dig with different layers of time frozen from when it was smashed beneath another layer of yet another hitch hiker, vagabond or runaway. I need to get back in the valley before I lose my mind. .

March 23
The whole gang has imploded on itself, Lonnie’s Mom has what apparently looks like a nervous breakdown which has had a ripple effect on the rest of us in our tattered sense of reality. The van has a million scratch marks along the side from rallying it on the back roads of Polahale and there is what seems to be a 13 ball etched into the hood, I cant seem to discover the origin of that ungodly odor, I wouldn’t even know what to look for living or dead. We are reduced down to $1.53 in small change between all of us, about 15 packets of mustard and taco sauce, 3 different parts from 5 different tents hold the side doors closed, undisclosed baggies of who knows what and an incurable foot puncture since I was walking around barefooted thinking my dog like foot pads would protect me from a Kavanee thorn that actually popped one of the tires as well. We decide to kick it @ Salt Ponds w/ Uncle Roy and just relax on this side of the island for a bit. It’s so different from the other side being much drier. I sat up on a bluff looking at the Orange-Red Sunset over the bay as the Moon was rising with lavenders and purple hues behind me, such a strange place in time in between night and day, darkness and light. Surreal to say the least. I lost my shoes weeks ago which I no longer need along with all my underwear. ( Which I have never worn to this day). My hair looks like a frigon blond oompa loompa, fragglerock and Grandpa Munster cross over that stands straight up on end like I’m receiving 15 million giga watts therapy treatment. Im drinking Rum……..its 9am.

This was written by Mimi:
The Commentary

PAN is the voice of adventure. Every bunch needs such an animated character to drive the hippy van and regulate the alcohol. Thank God for that crazy hair and stunning smile not to mention that tan skin that absorbs coconut oil as we sit by the waves and sun bathe. Pans favorite band is Devo. 
“You shouldn’t park in the handicapped spot” the sign said.
“We’ve been drinking for 2 hours now, we ARE handicapped.” his reply. 
You are meant to meet certain people on your journey and Diary this is the best one yet, his wit astounds me, but he is still obnoxious.

March 30th
Its my  birthday. I have a sun bleached Mohawk now that stands at least a foot high. A Hawaiian brother asked me what fuckin tribe I was from, I said the Fuckarewe Tribe. We roam the planet wondering where the fuck are we? he laughed said I was alright, invited me up to his place where we ate like kings and I met some people I want on my side. My breath stinks as well as my nuts. There’s an ant colony living in the van. I woke up with blood and feathers all over me and a dead owl hanging from my rear view mirror as well as 5 lighters in my pockets. I need to sell this van, its illegal to car camp. A ranger banged on my door the other morning and asked what I was doing, I said sleeping… he looked at me like I was stupid and said 
“No your not!’
 I said 
“I wasn’t?
 He said 
“No’ 
I said “ok after he chewed my ass then for,… you guessed it….sleeping. 
I smoked all the weed with all these girls who are now gone. I’m a terrible dealer since I party to hard. I am also a lousy Sherpa as well since I have failed to bring in booze to the valley boys not once but 4 times!. 1st time I drank the bottle of royal crown I was to get for Sean before I even started the trail with you guessed it a Hottie I met on the trail and then I drank the replacement bottle by Hanakapai so I turned around shitfaced mind you and went back out and got some Hana Bay Rum rot gut since I spent all the money and from what I was told Daniel-san found me passed out on the trail wrapped in a garbage bag in the rain covered in cream cheese. I guess I thought someone would pack me out or in thinking I was garbage. I don’t know man, I held onto his belt since I didn’t have a headlamp to six mile where I finished the bottle with Magic & Rebbeca. I have failed my Goat Clan. I have also been hanging with, Aliki and Uncle Jon in Annini. This place is crazy.  I picked up Wayne, Sean and Bif seems so long ago I knew them. I need to go back in before Babylon kills me. I cant spend any more money or I’m doomed. No way off island.
Forget how good I have it with the van, 4 months ago I was stashing shit in bush’s, packing ridiculous amounts of gear on my back…even though my stuff is still hopefully back in the valley I think I somehow have less. Girls are all gone and I have limited funds to afford gas & oil which it consumes like I do alcohol. It keeps me out slinging herb but everyone out here is broke too. I don’t know if Im excited to see anyone back there. Don’t know who to trust out here with van. Shits getting Lame. I guess I could go deeper into the valley Box Canyon or Spirit Ridge but I don’t want to hike all my shit from the beach up there.

So I’m broke and I drive to Black Pot Beach to chill, blasting my one and only Devo tape when I look in my rear view mirror and see this guy dancing all weird towards me, I’m thinking 
“Fuck man, I don’t need this right now”
 He’s all covered in tattoos that look strangely familiar and he comes up to my window whereas I then recognize him as Anthony Kiedis, front man from the Red Hot Chili Peppers! I’m like,.. 
” DUDE”
 he’s like 
“DUDE”
 and I’m like 
“Dude, you cant just walk up on mother fuckers like that man!”
 and he’s like 
“why not?” 
and I’m like 
 I, well…..
I don’t know what to say, then he breaks the ice as I’m star struck for the 1st time since Ice T kicked me in the head at the Warfield opening for Soundgarden in 92′. He’s like 
” Man, I love this song by Devo…. Gates of Steel, right?”
 I was like 
“Want me to rewind it?”
 He looked at my cassette deck like I was back from the future …. I jumped out and showed off the PANVANDO which was now looking like it had just completed the Dakar rally in Africa or the Watts Riots in 66′. I told him the story of Bree and my time in Kalalau, he looked into my eyes like Bree did, sort of made me nervous and asked 
” Is it real man?”
 I told him my testimony of what I had seen out there, he looked genuinely interested. Never once did I ask or mention anything about the band or music for that matter even though I wanted to tell him I seen him in Detroit in 1986 during the height of big hair and everyone Boo’d them  but I dug them, then at the COW PALACE in S.F, when Life sex she magic was the shit, and then when they wore those huge light bulbs on their heads in Lolapalooza in 97′ but I didn’t, we sat there shooting the shit about his kid who was out surfing way the fuck out there at 6 years old!  He talked about his house he was building and he introduced me to his girlfriend and asked me if I surfed. I wanted to say 
“Fuck yeah I surf!”
 but I couldn’t lie and said no, he looked at me like I was joking and I told him I was afraid of sharks. He laughed then told me there was nothing to be afraid of “SHE” would take care of me…. we talked more about Kalalau and I told him the Dali Llama (who he met) came to Kauai and said that Kalalau is where the souls exit the world,…. then we said goodbye and his girlfriend gave me a sweet smelling red blossom and as he drove away I remembered I had something I could give him and chased his rig down banging on the side, he stopped looking at me like
“Dude?”
 It was one of the Owl Claws I had in my van,  he looked at me and knew the significance of it. (Messenger from the Other side) I was on the most natural high I ever knew for the rest of that day and left the van with Marys Farm girls and went back into where I belonged…. KALALAU.

April !st

I’m back in Kalalau, everyone was stoked to see me, the Bluffies came down to a potluck Uncle T threw for me and even those elusive Valley girls came down with fresh picked salads and homemade breads, they said I looked like hell worn over. I felt like it, they all paid me lots of attention and asked me what I had done out there in Babylon. I caught them all up & told them ” Remember what I said about manifestations? Well I wanted some hot ass women and I got em’, but it didn’t turn out the way I thought it would but it taught me. it was the same with that van, I thought I needed it and yes it was cool having it but ultimately I went broke because of it and nearly lost my freedom and mind, now you might be thinking well he’s a dumbass and cant control himself and I will agree with you in part as when it comes to mind inducing chemicals and alcohol it seems my thermostat is broke but it is what it is”. They looked at me suspiciously but let it slide, to the other side….
 It was a whirlwind out there man, only 1/3 of what I have written in fear of getting myself or others into trouble. O’ I  learned allot out there but what it is like in here I cant convey, its just a feeling. Even though it is a magical place with everything you can wish for it also is a place where people have to interact with each other and deal with each other its no Utopia. and there’s ICE in Paradise man, Ill tell you it ain’t no joke but beneath it all its what you make it, there’s a lot of good and bad everywhere and I admit I don’t get along with everyone and everyone don’t like me. So what Life goes on don’t make an issue out of it. Growing up in Oakland as a kid I was to white then when I moved to Salt Lake I was to dark, In Michigan my hair was to long I never seemed to get it right so one day I said fuck it and quit living for others and started living for myself. I guess that’s what Family sort of teaches you in a strange way, to get along with those you don’t necessarily like or want to be around, maybe unconsciously that’s why I travel and put myself in these situations, to overcome my own preconceptions of what is real……  I must be detoxing.

I have a pet cockroach named Pepe’, he’s earning his keep as he keeps the others in check, I just hope Bif doesn’t eat him as he likes to do from time to time, showing off for tourist for a shot of whiskey. I’ve still yet to be able to meditate, as when I’m trying to stop thinking I’m thinking of that cramp in my leg or that hot ass chick I can smell from 20 feet away or the fact that I’m trying to tell myself not to think about her and popping’ a boner as she bring her right leg over her left shoulder. I’m good at it when I’m sleeping and that’s good enough for me. High Surf Warning Today so No Boat Drop. Maybe A Spiritual Pizza day w/ Alise and the Shamrock Girls. That means more wood gathering, God damn hippies keep burning it for their Pagan rituals…… Going to the Sea Caves today might not be a good idea but oh well. I found basket weaving is the closest I can get to meditating, I love Sierra. She’s lived out here since her Dad Rich brought her out here and is Amazing. She has a on again off again relationship with a guy named Ben, he’s a character and all the ladies adore him. In fact he’s the guy Bree was talking about. He said we were going to eat fish & chips and we went down to the beach where we gathered up old dead dried up crabs on the rocks, that was the chips and you know what? They weren’t all that bad and a great source of something I’m sure, like maybe sea lice. He likes to take care of the community garden with Sierra and I have to make it a point to get up there and help out. Lonnie has a feud going on with him over Sierra, so while their keeping themselves busy fighting over her I just hang out and weave baskets with her.

4:20 Morning Show

 I just had the most wonderful morning with Iya at the Morning Show Pancake Hut where the Kalalau River spews into the Ocean with Tague, Bruce and the boys making all kinds of pancakes. I love those guys….. all of then are talented musicians playing mandolins, guitars, ukes, drums whatever. Lefty Louie encourages Tague to flip countless cinnamon raisin pancakes, peanut butter pancakes, mixed fruit pancakes, chocolate chip pancakes, it goes on & on & on along with the accompanying music. I met them at Black Pots surf spot trying to sell them the van before I even had a title for it. Its Iya’s 25th Bday, she surfed naked all day and even saved a boat from going out to sea, some dumbass lost. We took pics of her beneath the waterfall that fell over her like a never ending kiss and she hula hooped well into the night at the potluck in the firelight. I’m blessed to have met her.
Now is Now
Sand Art Chesire Cat Moon Smile

Lizzie (Thoroughbred Sandytits) is back in,,,she asked me:

“Pan,…Why do my legs hold power over you?”

Really?…………. I thought.

She wouldn’t sleep in my tent cuz of the cockroaches so we spent the night on the beach and got ate by fleas.

Sanctuary Lost

Kalalau’s Most Unwanted:

Now albeit that self proclaimed mayor of Kalalau, Ronnie did some great things for the community back in the day but now he and his crazy ass girlfriend Annie since having been impeached by AA and Santiago have weaseled their way back into the beach camp just in time for breakfast, lunch and dinner @anybody’s camp but as of late the Pancake Hut. Its a tragic story really, Ronnie survives off of unsuspecting newbies coming in buying into all his BS where he’ll say in his Boston accent 
“Im the Mayor, free up your food for the family” 
All the while his demented bitch is rifling through your shit. I thought of putting up a sign based on the ones you see in national parks:

“Please do not feed the Mayors”

If Kevin didn’t have the goat killing dog KOA I don’t know what or how he would survive back there as he is a Drainbow Deluxe. I mean he’s a nice enough guy but e walks around always asking for coffee, cookies, pizza, crumbs, etc. I may sound callous but have you ever heard of enabling people to continues with a certain type of behavior by giving them handouts? yeah. Not to mention when it comes to unsuspecting girls that come out to the valley he’s like
“Your planets are out of alignment and all I need to do is massage you and straighten you out with the energies of mars in your anus bla bla fuckin bla all the while he’s lickin his lips and parting hers while their dumbfounded…… and since I’m on the subject of Drainbows:
Nothing is more disturbing than a fat ass old hairy hippy fuck playing Frisbee or hula hooping in the nude.
Griz is another piece of work, a 4 year old trapped in a worn out body always yelling out this ridiculous bear call-
“Arghhhhh I’m the Griz!! Arggghhwwaaa!!
Its the same deal every potluck. 
“Look at me I can hula hoop!”
Then Ronnie the ex mayor will get jealous since Griz is getting all the attention and will start playing his flute so God Damned loud its making Whales beach themselves in disorientation. Its like watching two kids fight over Mom’s attention. There’s old Griz hula hooping his ass off and Ronnies almost blowing out his remaining teeth, all the while Annie is going through someone’s tent and Kevin starts slowly touching a young girls leg.

The Soap Opera-
As the World Burns. 

None of these ass holes ever bring anything to a potluck and are the first in line to eat eating more than their share. As Uncle T sais before every meal
“Women and Children First”.
I need to go up valley as the very people who said they were my freinds said they would look out for my shit when I was out, robbed me. Hey! Rick I’d light your tent on fire then beat it out with a club when your still in it you piece of shit leach mother fucker who stoled my wine and drank it before it was even ready, what a  fuck wad. Your lucky your Aleki’s Beach Bitch’. 

People who say they are fasting just cant start a fire.

Drinking Mrs. Butterworth straight.

April 18

I’ve gotten word that Marys girls have been rallying the van and doing things in it I can only dream about  and coming from me that would make the Vatican self fuckin’ implode on itself. So I got to go back out before they totally destroy it,  Even though the family doesn’t want me to go… but I told Bree I would at least TRY and sell it. I haven’t the heart to tell her about the condition it’s in  but maybe she’ll read about this in a blog or book or front page in a criminal report someday and forgive me. When I got out I had to hitch hike to Marys Farm since they weren’t returning my calls and was passed by Summer in the van packed full of people, she didn’t even slow down. Really?….. What did I expect from a bunch of  hot ass party girls?. After hours of waiting on them I befriend a dready gal named Gracie there and when the van finally got back the interior was in even worse condition and it makes weird noises which I believe is the now shot cv joints, thanks girls., love ya.

So, there’s a casting call for the new ” Pirates of the Caribbean” movie 
“On Stranger Tides” 
whereas it said in the newspaper:

“Emaciated authentic scavenger types needed. Missing teeth and limbs a plus.”
@ the  Lihue War Memorial Convention Center. 

So, I being of the entrepreneur mindset rallied forth the vagabonds to leave the valley in such numbers, as to sally forth into Babylon and stake our claim unto the big screen. I would shuttle people from the trailhead to Annini Beach where we would all converge in a show of force unseen since the late 70’s… they’ll probably send in National Gaurd. I planned to hike out the next morning.
As I was leaving the valley floor I heard a commotion by the Bluffs and went to go check out what was happening. Someone ran up to me. 

“PAN! Oh my GOD!!… she did it!….. She FUCKIN did it!”

I was numb as I knew who they were talking about, it could only be her………Olivia.

Some weeks prior allot of the women folk got sick of all the dudes hitting on them 24/7 and retreated to the Goddess camp where men were not allowed. What they did there was of there own free will and many took to cleansing rituals which involved fasting. Olivia, that beauty with her voluptuous body, golden hair and wild nature took it a step further by only drinking a mix of honey, Cheyenne pepper. & water for weeks on end. No body could approach her as she was on a vision quest that she was steadfast too and very few could understand or accept. Her behavior became erratic and she was becoming more and more violent and unpredictable but as I said earlier a hot ass naked woman can do anything she wants to back here.
She had earlier been acting irrational with those she knew and trusted and they became concerned about her, she was trying to cleanse herself holistically from the ravaging effects of a staff infection which had now produced a 7 inch wide gaping oozing sore on her calf, she was simply fucking toxic. She was last seen speaking to Angels and/or Demons and in a display of sheer lunacy she did not only jump from the 300 foot cliff wall of the Bluff encampment but from all accounts of those who saw her said she leapt like a cat fighting what ever possessed her at the time.
When I looked over the cliff I was amazed to see her still alive…….G and AA ran down cliff like a men possessed themselves but had to go way around to get to her and try and calm her, she was busted up bad. We all stood on the cliff yelling for her to stay still as she tried to stand on a compounded fractured leg, it was sickening to see her collapse and try to get up over and over. We’re 35 miles from the nearest town, 60 miles from the nearest hospital, it was up to us to help her. Luckily a tourist helicopter flew by and we flagged it down, whereas they called in for Search and Rescue but the clock was ticking and Olivia did not want to stay put. The chopper finally came after 2 hours, she had lost allot of blood but miraculously was still coherent when they whisked her away in a basket. The silence was deafening when it was all said and done, and WE all looking towards each other stood in the breeze of the Bluffs dumbfounded after what had just happened and slowly we all went back to our little routines we had set out for us, no tears, no words, it just happened and that was it. That walk out of the valley had me thinking like I had never done before about the impermanence of Life and those we share it with, with each spider web I broke through towards Babylon,  The stupid shit didn’t seem to matter any more.

4/25
I picked up Lizzy in a  tight fitting Zebra striped dress I ‘bought’ for her at the free store and met up with that dready girl I met at Mary’s farm named Gracie. Absolutely stunning face and a small lithe figure, I know what your thinking, ” Is that all he thinks about?…. uh yeah. If it makes you feel any better you can assume that in my delusional state of mind that all of these women “IF” they even exist were probably of the seedy and somewhat jaded nature but I hate to tell you I got pics for proof. Anyfuckin how we went out trance dancing at the Dragon Building in Kapa’a. It was like a yoga studio where everyone was one, I ain’t going into details. Gracie simply wore in her usual fashion a hippy skirt and some butterfly pasties on her pert little tits, some serious booty was slung that night. 
The following day, Kalalauans converged on the Convention Center for the casting call, it was off the hook, sort of like waiting for a rock concert when you were in high school only everyone was dressed as a Pirate and we all drank way to much Rum and was told by the casting directors that they were looking for people to play Pirates and didn’t need  real Pirates, so we tore the place apart and threatened Johnny Depps life if he came out to Kalalau. I think most girls just wanted to fuck him to death, poor bastard. We then made our way to Shipwreck Beach and did some cliff jumping and cracked out on some Tropilicious toasted Coconut icecream and bombass Wasabi Poke’. It started out with me and the girls going out there to do some nudes but next thing I know I got Sean, Rider, Mark & Quinten as stow aways. Bree contacted me via email inquiring about the van I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I doubted if I could sell it for what she wanted or for anything for that matter as it had suffered many trials and tribulations since she left it in my care. Sean made some curry while I was sleeping which everyone ate so I was pissed when I got up and left them there 50 miles from no where. assholes.
Then I got a flat and it was hell finding out how to get the spare off with all the shit in the back. I went to Salt Pond and hooked up with some local musicians I knew,.. Uncle Roy & Alen and Rich & Larry were there as well who told me I couldn’t leave them out there to die, I was like why not? But after a pull or two from a pipe I decided I needed gas money to make it back and went back to get them. But not before I bumped into a friend of mine I fronted a bag to at Annini and he paid me back in some kind. I went back to get them, it was pretty comical to see them all walking out there abandoned and thoughroly spent, they ran towards me in a stunning exhibit of joy whereas I threw it in reverse and made them chase me for a good 1/4 mile. 

I think its May sometime by now. And needless to say the van caught on fire last night. Me and Sean came out to go Trancing at the Dragon House when smoke started coming out of the hood. So there we were on the side of the freeway with the engine on fire, Sean about worthless is more concerned about his god damned guitar than my van. I learned how to finally get hippies out of your vehicle though since Sean was running around in a panic screaming and grabbing all his shit ( which I had been trying for months to get him to do) He yells at me 
“What should I grab?”
 I’m trying to calmly smother the fire with someone’s dress, I thought about it and told him :

” My backpack” ( Full of Weed)

We finally made it into Kapa’a after a few more over heating sessions and the engine nearly seized up & died, we coasted to the Dragon House but it was cancelled. We stared into our own pitiful reflections of the dance studio window. I said might as well walk on over to the Beach house and see if Denise & Cheyenne were there where they volunteered. When we got there they were making a slip and slide out of tarps which we helped put together and along with some dishwashing soap and a bunch of volunteers and guest were soon slippin’ all over the damn place. I met a buxom redhead from Belgium named Shyalena who left her country because it collapsed and a beautiful Japanese girl named Ryoko and was soon telling them about Kalalau. they were intrigued and wanted to go in. Awesome I thought another sherpa job. The next morning me and the redhead made it back to the van and started out of Kapa’a to only overheat outside of Anahola by the beach. At least it doesn’t smell like stale beer and hippy funk anymore I thought, simply burnt rubber. Sean just happens to go past us in the bus and starts to write his song 
” On the side of the road”

So we weren’t going anywhere and she looks over at me and said:
“You know I’ve always wanted to make love in the Ocean?
I thought
” Hmmmm” and we walked down the beach. 

(I will mention here that she was not impressed with my pubic hairs that had grown in to the point of that being like a porcupine and caused her one hell of a rash.)

 O.K. The plan being:  Take Belgium girl in first, since she’s frisky enough on me but we met up with the Japanese girl Yoko and we load up on some food from the food bank. I don’t think they were quite prepared for the trip as they showed up in flip flops and small day packs with no camping gear- most likely some type of communication breakdown. I also have a bunch of Lonnie & Mimi’s food leftover from a boat ride that Aleki wouldn’t take and of course the van takes a shit out of Hanalei, luckily one of the girls has a cell phone and I call up this cute gal named Paige I was hitting on at the foodbank in Hanalei. She picks us up and I leave the van on the side of the road not really giving a fuck. Paige came to our rescue in her little toyota which we loaded to the hilt with food, cooking stuff, hippy shit etc. She then gave us a ride to trailhead and tells me to call her when I got out. I maxed out my bag at around 60 pounds refusing to go any heavier since my knees now sound like pepper grinders. We all set off and I could tell right away it was going to be a long haul as these two International women had two speeds, Slow and Stop. Yoko in true Japanese fashion stopped every 20 paces or so to take pictures and Shyalena was just plain slow. I told them we were in a race with the Sun and I doubted that either one of them had a head lamp to navigate the trail after nightfall not to mention it was near the new Moon cycle so we couldn’t depend on Luna for light nor did they have a tent to ward off the hordes of mosquitos that come out around Dusk. They looked at me both uncomprehendingly and somewhat annoyed at my pestering after about two hours of this I’m on the verge of a nervous fuckin breakdown. I passed Bif who was doing a Sherpa job for some folks when he spied the girls I was with, he laughs at me and said
” Pan, I sure hope your getting laid or paid man”…..
If he only knew. I said fuck it and high tailed in up to Space rock and waited for what seemed an Eternity on these gals and Magic came by heading out to get his Kayaks, he told me I could chill at his camp in 6 mile if I had to but don’t cum on his blanket. Soon Ryoko makes it to the top looking half dead and hadn’t seen Shyalena since Hanakapai back at mile 2.
” Fuckin’ Great now I’m a shiity guide as well as a terrible drug dealer and alcohol Sherpa.” I thought.
The Belgium girl must have turned around somewhere on the trail never to be seen or heard from again. Ryoko was a trooper but was concerned on how long it was taking but I kept on her to at least make it in where she could get Aleki to boat her out on his Zodiac he would often bring in with beer and food and make garbage runs out.  She asked if we were close I told her we were not even half way and the Sun was setting, she stared at me in disbelief and screamed
: Nooooo, I go back now!”
Now I’m thinking ok the Belgium bitch is either dead or barely making it back out IF she turned around hours ago and up here I am now realizing that I am about to throw this gal off the cliff if she doesn’t come to her senses. The scales are hanging in the balance, So I baffle her with bullshit by simply telling her that she had better make peace with whatever god it is she prays to because I’m going onward and if she turns around now she will surely die from one of a multitude of ways which I indulge her in. She decides to come with me to 6 mile where we fall into Magic’s camp totally exhausted.
Yoko-
Probably the most beautiful Japanese girl I have ever had the pleasure of meeting in person. Her hair was of course long and thick and jet black against her pale alabaster skin. her features very pleasing to the eye. She was different in the sense that she was not of small stature like most of her kind but tall and extremely long limbed. I’m here to tell you that everything you have heard about how erotic the Japanese women are is true. The next morning once we made it to Red Dirt Hill, Yoko was awed by what she seen and damn near started crying. I brought her to the Pancake Hut to meet the gang and get some grub. We made it to my camp and enjoyed each others company disturbing the solitude.

She had to swim out to meet Aleki as the little Zodiac couldn’t get past the waves with more than one person. All those guys were just intoxicated by her and wouldn’t keep away from her. She swam out of my life that day and waved goodbye as a rainbow touched down way off in the distance. I turned around where some of the local guys were like
“Dude’ where’d you find her?”
“Japan,… duh…” I said and walked into my tent and slept most the day away. Uncle T was proud.

April or May not sure….

Beach House Hostel-

Driving the Panvando past Papaya’s courtyard and notice Lizzie & Mimi dancing hippy style so I stopped to say hello. They just hiked out from Kalalau with a shit load of Hotties. They introduced me to them but one stood out, she was like a Pilipino-American Indian that you couldnt take your eyes off of. We all loaded up in the van and drove down to pass out in the back of the van. So there was Mimi up front and Lizzie and Charlene in the back with me. It was a hot as hell night and we had to close the windows to keep mosquitos out. Lizzie wanted a leg/ass massage which I took full advantage of. She went to sleep on the beach since it was so hot which I should have gone with her but “Hello, I got two Hotties with me” So Mimi jumped in the back with us and as I tried to spoon her she spat out- 
“Its too hot!”
Then I rolled over & I threw a leg over Charlene she yelled-
“Get off me!”
So I lay there in between the both of them to afraid to move in fear of repurcussioins but I didnt mind all that much. So the next morning we all hitched down to Kapa’a (since the van wouldnt go that far) beach house hostel since Hot Ass girl from Holland named Chantal, was flying off to Peru and was sponsoring a party at the hostel that night. The theme- Tight Shorts. It was nice seeing all the girls in such attire but the guys looked like a bunch of Grape Smugglers.
After going to the Cost U Less for beer and tequila, rum and munchies somebody suggested playing strip poker but no one knew how to play poker so we played strip 21, next thing I know were all butt ass naked, “Why does this keep happening to me?”
 I wonder, but pay it no never mind and enjoy the moment with all these naked International Women. One of them suggested Naked Body Painting- what an excellent idea and it brought out the artist in everyone. Another awesome night. Met some gals from Canada there that night who hung with us for a few days and I’m bringing back into Kalalau on Tuesday if I don’t work/trade here at the Hostel. The hostel is right on the beach here in Kapa’a and is painted electric blue with bright yellow trim with a open courtyard, community kitchen and lots of young vibrant people coming and going with no end in site of gorgeous women.

Lauren-
Is from British Columbia and is simply put: Stunning. She has light brown hair to the middle of her back with blonde highlights, blue eyes, full breast that sweep upwards and a J-Lo ass, wide glide hips and strong thick legs that could probably constrict like a python. She just let her family and friends know back home that she was calling off her wedding and continuing her educational pursuits in Kalalau University of which I am a Junior. She feels as if the whole world just opened up for her and that’s what life should be like. She said-
” I try and do something that scares me everyday.”

Anne- Is French-Canadian and has short brown hair that always looks perfectly disarrayed, pretty smile and fawn like brown eyes. Primo ( Chief) brought her into the beach house as she went to the other hostel where the guy is an ass and kicked her off the property. She goes to school in Quebec and studies theatre but doesn’t act. She came with a one way ticket, a calling- no doubt. Her saying is-
” I try and question myself about what I think I know about”

I think that she is on to something.

So I plan on taking them back into the valley with me right past A camp where all those knuckleheads who absolutely hate me for doing so on a regular basis. You see here’s the deal. All these older guys who have no life in the outside world act out these roles on people, especially young women back here in the valley. They deliver the same old lines on cue to unsuspecting wide eyed girls who come looking for some type of prophet. These fuck wads prey on these girls like sharks on fresh meat. All the while eating and drinking all of the stuff they just brought in. Its a great hustle I suppose when you aint got nothing else going on. It wouldn’t be all that bad I guess if they were up front about their angle but it leads to bad vibes here in the valley since they get possessive about the girls. Most if not ALL the negative energy here is based on competition for pussy. Its sort of sad when all these girls come in here looking for some kind of insight on Life and get a bunch of lies and deceit which creates a bunch of friction here amongst the guys who are always trying to out-do one another. Its also pretty comical to see this unfold as the guys are going through all their good grinds to lure the women to their camp and then after being shut down spend the next few weeks starving.
But then I guess we all do it, that’s the way we were made, to pursue the females. But to see it over and over, time & time again with the same bullshit lines and lunacy it creates, all I got to say is PUSSY is a POWERFUL Thing. 
Usually it ends up with the women folk walking on pins and needles, shell shocked from the delivery of every one liner known to man which culminates in them simply shutting down to disappear with their own kind to a ” Goddess Camp” where men are not allowed. Great. Way to go. Now its a sausage fest.
Now if you thought being “Cock blocked” was bad, wait until you get “Cuntblocked” which proves far more detrimental to a man’s psyche than anything else, as there are also female predators out there as well. 
It goes something like this:
A woman who has the taste for other women will start planting seeds in the unsuspecting girl by saying 
“All men are pigs and want to get into your pants”
Which I will admit is mostly true, if a guy said he just wants to get to know you as a freind he’s either gay or impotent, I ain’t gonna bullshit you. 
Anyway then it goes into keeping her away from the men folk most likely laying out nude together so all the guys can see and drive them crazy or do some skinny dipping together in a seemingly innocent display of sister love which usually ends up with some hair brushing, massaging and snuggling. So what’s the difference? Is the lesbian any different than the guy? Ask the girl who fell for it and see’s the lez doing the same to another Hottie that just got in the valley. I’m just telling you the way it is. Its in the way they go about it that makes them predators.
OK, Ill be honest, I am addicted to gorgeous women ,yes. And I get wrapped up in the game myself because that’s all that it is, a game. But I try and be up front and once in awhile might even make it through a chick flick and write poetry for the prize of their companionship. I come from a Matriarchal Family and also have 6 sisters so I’m used to girls and will admit like them for the most part. yet nothing worries me more than thinking
” Am I just like the others?”’ When did I go from being cool to becoming a pervert?, And, does that happen when you turn 35 or 45 I wonder”. 
Are guys supposed to stop yearning for young gorgeous women at a certain age, society would tell you that, unless your a CEO and she’s a super model, then its ok I guess.

We rally Tague’s van to Annini Beach w/ Sandytits, Mimi. Whit, Chris and the Kanooks. We stop by store and get Ahi Poke’, Beer and Rum. Coincedently the impeached Mayor Ronnie and 1st lady Annie come begging for beer and Kevin to boot. Yeah. I just ignore them and take the girls out to the water where were all skinnydipping and having a great time. Sandytits told me she had no way to express what it was like to be in the water topless and she wished I had tits to find out. We make our way to the Pavillion in Hanalei where we have a huge Coconut Oil Massage Train, reading out of my journal and hit a new milestone while drinking a beer at a outdoor AA meeting. It gets a bit blurry after that.

Dear Pan.
This is your journal. I think we need more substance, sex, drugs and alcohol seems so cliche’. Try reading something else besides Hunter S. Thompson, its bleeding over.

I just awoke surrounded by empty bottles of beer, coconut oil and tequila and a splitting headache. No one else is around its early. Some guy said I dotted his eye yesterday, probably deserved it.

Dichonomy in Paradise-

Its weird how one week Ill be knee deep in Pussy then the next I’m alone. This place has a never-ending flow of women searching for God only knows. I don’t think I should stay here with all its temptations.

I met a beautiful Old Lady who is a published writer, she spoke to me of finding my voice and to write as I talk. Be truthful and enlightened. Speak from your Heart and you will speak from a shared experience called truth. I forgot her name but believe I met her at exactly when I was supposed to. She left me saying;

“If we cant write the truth then why the fuck do we write?”

For Sale $1,000
1997 Dodge Caravan 150,000 + miles
Needs valve cover gasket for oil leak, new radiator, oil change, tune up, etc. 
Pre- Hippyfied/ Surferized rally Rig.
ready for new owner, Ill throw in broken in twin mattress
12v. Inverter w/ Hot Plate & Cofee maker, blankets & Ant Colony
at no extra cost.

Two different species of ants are now in full war fighting for the van. Hordes of them lie dead or dying, its tragic and I couldnt stand to see it anymore so I sprayed them with a can of Lysol which I also used on Mattress and my nuts.

I don’t think I can stay in Hawaii, I want to leave like a blank check, worthless but capable of worth. Leaving behind a shroud of mystery and unpaid tabs. I get furiously jealous when I am not recognized and extremely bored when I am. I hate writing about myself yet always start sentences with I. Maybe I should write in the 3rd person.

He has a mind to leave the Panvando w/ all the doors open without a clue of his where about’s…. maybe not.

I have been here on Kauai for 6 months now I think, I can climb like a spider,  run straight up these cliffs, swim with dolphins for miles in the surf that used to scare the hell out of me, that’s the way it is.
When I first came here I thought I knew how to live “IN” the Valley and now  know how to live “WITH” the Valley. All my original possessions I came here with are gone somehow absorbed by it all. This whirlwind of sights and sounds pleasure and pain, happiness and sadness, madness and sanity. Everyday is a routine but somehow different. I gather wood. water, fruit, fish, prawns and cook if I want too or eat it raw, doesn’t matter my taste buds are irrelevant, I can even stomach Noni now.. I don’t need to ‘stuff” myself as I was taught all these years, I get what I need through what means I can provide for myself. Id be lying though if I didn’t say that by being a part of a community doesn’t help. I came here to run away from it all and I came face to face with myself and others who I loathed and now love. And I try and educate these newbies coming in not to climb the trees for fruit but to wait for the tree to give it to you by allowing it to drop.8 Mile Bill & Daniel are pig killing S.O.B’s. and is the valley’s only hope to keeping them feral beast out of the valley.They set snares all through that valley smoking them up and sends the meat in with people on the trail. One morning I was kicking it around the abandoned Goddess Camp when Daniel came up with a pillow case full of freshly smoked meat. I was running low on grub and was happy to see him. As I sat there eating on a bunch of ribs he said:

“Pretty good for Fido huh?”

I thought Fido being a Hawaiian word for pig or goat I agreed picking some gristle out of my teeth.

“It has a great smoke to it brah, what’d say it was?” Fido?” I said.

” I think it was Mastiff not really sure though.” he snorted, smiling.

” Like the dog kind? I queried while sucking marrow out of a rib.

” yeah man, one of those wild dogs got in my snare so I smoked him up, not bad huh? he laughed.

” No, not bad at all.” and I grabbed a leg bone.

But needless to say shit is getting stupid over at A camp with Hey Rick who must have some kind of chemical imbalance or something. He just got into it with AA who sais he wants to keep all the women for himself, well I hate to burst his bubble but I don’t really give a fuck what he thinks and I’ll simply keep bringing them in here like the swallows of Capistrano, he’s just going to have to deal with it. I wasn’t feeling it in there anymore with all kinds of power struggles for pussy and shit going on with Hey Rick and who ever fuckin else, Never Neverland was losing its Magic.
 Bif asked me:

” Where’s the Love, Man? 

I said:

“Fuck the Love man….fuck it” 

I was over it. I was seeing people for what they really were, most of the people out there were cool but there were others who simply couldn’t make it on the outside for what ever reasons be it addictions, debt, warrants, whatever, it all came down to people just fucking up the valley, all the while calling it their own. As I said allot of people bring in all their provisions either hiking it in or boat drops. There is no shortage of Garbage out there that people have left behind and I will say that it is mostly visitors as opposed to the ones that live in there. Some pack out what they pack in but for the most part it is burned. That really got me as I remember one guy would preach about taking care of Aina’ ( land) and then he’d turn around and burn heaps of plastic saying it was better in the sky than on the ground. I really don’t know the answer but I know its not burning it.
Before I left, I made a badass double decked Spiritual Pizza for Blue and Donna who were leaving to go to Fiji. 5 cheeses. peperoni, salami, green chilies, 4 inches thick. I then threw down another one with Heath, Rick, Cherokee & Dave & AA for good measure, I wanted to use up all my grinds so the thieves wouldn’t get shit. I broke camp early the next morning and stopped in the Pancake Hut where Lefty Louie was losing his sanity big time, I knew I had to get out and so with a heavy heart I didn’t say goodbye to anyone and left the valley for good.

So I’m back out and the van is pretty much dead but I have a friend who is going to fix it if he can and is storing it for me. I hung out at Blackpot with a Christian prayer group since they have free food at their prayer meeting. When we were all around the fire being asked what we would pray and hope for I said
” I hope people quit fighting over God’s name and I hope someone brings pickles next week.”
 They all just stared at me as I made my 3rd hamburger.
I slept out in the rain then went to the beach House and wrapped up in a blanket that was on the clothes line. I started hitch hiking out of their early so no one would see me as I now felt like a bum.
I was out there for hours and no one picked me up even with my Mohawk laid over.
A local pulls over to pee and looks at me.
” Hey You! Whatcha doin? he ask.
“Trying to get to Hanalei” I said.
He looks at me suspiciously probably notices the blacktop burning my feet and sais
“Ah you Fucka- get in!”
You going on one hell of a ride with me Fucka!”
As he burned out and we sped off down the rode I couldn’t help but think
” Oh Shit, here comes that local welcoming beat down I heard about.”
As we near Anahola ( the place Howlie dont go) he flies off the highway onto a dirt road and said-
” You gona meet my family over here”…time seemed to go into a vacumn as I pictured myself within a ring of huge Moke’s beating me to a pulp.
He takes me onto this huge ranch way the fuck in the middle of nowhere where we pull up and these people are on the porch where I get out to get my serving and they comfort me and talk story. I meet Auntie’s and many cousins who keep looking at my Mohawk and bare feet. I feel ashamed. When we left there and I wasn’t a bloody pulp as anticipated, I felt better and could breathe normally we once again shot off the highway down a old dirt road to Larsen’s a known Local’s Only beach rumored to be a bit rough, I’m thinking
” Oh God, this is it better man up cuz here it comes.”
Only he took me to his Uncle’s Farm and showed me all that had changed in his lifetime there with big money coming in and what not.
Then we get back on the highway and we get to Hanalei which we drive through because he said-
Oh cuz, now you got to meet my other Uncle in Wainia where he takes me to meet Old Auntie and Big Dog Biker nephew’s who come pulling up like rolling thunder. 
I’m thinking-
“Ok, this is it.. they’re gona let Old Auntie fuck me up then feed me to the sharks.” Its been a good life even though I never got the book wrote, in fact I prayed to God Almighty above and made a promise that if I made it through with articulating hands I would sit down and write like I never wrote before.
But I was welcomed as a guest and offered the best bar b que I have ever tasted with fish they recently caught. Here I was thinking the whole time I was going to get a beat down when in fact his extended family and friends welcomed me from Anahola to Ke’e at places I had been told to stay away from.

Life is a trip.

The mountains there are covered w/ terraces and ruins from a long gone people, I cant help but think of their lives, and the experiences they had in their time, was it so different than mine?  I can only wonder, their whispers reverberate through the stone and water into the trees and everything that nourishes me here, so into my very core, physically, psychologically and spiritually the energy here is extremely powerful. Some feel it, some don’t, some harness it and some go mad from it I guess its all a matter of perspective. All my belongings fit into a small day pack. Most of what little I have has been owned by those before me as Mama provides what I need if anything at all.  I am not self sufficient in all my wanderings here and throughout my time I have come to realize that a man who goes off into the wild alone, dies alone. Only those who had family, clan or tribe flourished and persevered.
Why do I do this? To set off into the unknown and test myself? I don’t know but I hope the Great Spirit does the same. Wanderlust for me is my great companion whispering into my dreams like a long lost lover. It consumes my waking thoughts to be somewhere else, I don’t know why. I couldn’t tell you but its where I feel comfort.

Complacency is the Great Enemy! It goes hand in hand with Convenience and Comfort making the Mind and Body soft.

Being Alone is Forever and Never. 

I fear nothing more than lying on a couch with a remote in my hand living vicariously through someone else’s fantasy, at least when I’m out here I know its real.

Some call me “Homeless”

I say… I’m “HOMEFREE”.

Graffiti on Outhouse in Kalalau:

But you Children of Space, You Restless in Rest
You shall not be Trapped or Tamed
For that which is Boundless, in you Abides
In the Mansion of the Sky, whose Door is the Morning Mist
And whose Windows are the Songs and Silences of the Night

Attachment is the root
Of all suffering
Suffered is the way
To Ecstasy

” 

.

Strange Daze, Damsels in Distress and Snow Dragons


 It never ceases to amaze him how the ranks are filled each and every year with those that run from something or towards someting or just simply run for running sake. The local “Park & Ride” parking lot has since been renamed the “Park & Stay” Lot since all the cars there seem to appear in the wee hours of twighlight and have yet to ever leave even some four months later. It is here where this chapter’s set is plotted-

As he lay in the Lezbo and watched the mercury drop below freezing he tends to wander to the memories of warmer times. Its been another far flung season here in the far North, with all kinds of debauchery, drama, Love lost and gained. The local park and stay parking lot is a testimony of what it was all about. In short there are now about six cars that have been abandoned since the end of summer, two of which are still occupied. A young couple from Denali pulled into the fray some months earlier and have yet to leave due to finances. Within two weeks of pulling in they proved that niether one of them should drink vodka especially the cheap variety. It was only a matter of time before the dude started getting jealous with all the attention the female was getting from the 9 ring circus and soon he was found to be yelling at her and choking her out. From out of the Woods Captain Anarchy, Mogulmaker and Co. rescued her from her tormenter and later that night an ambulance was reported to have been at the sight of a horrific beating on the afore mentioed dude that had to learn a tough lesson the hard way. Dont touch the women folk regardless if they fuck your best freind, your other girl freind or stay out all night with the park people. If its one thing that Girdwood has a shortage on its women and we protect them viciously. Multiple head contusions, skin liasions and a few loose teeth should have gotten that message through. Tough Love & Another day in the life here in the Last Frontier, Dude has since been reported to say please and thankyou alot more often.

It also makes him think of the time spent working on the local skate park for the kids here in Girdie. American Ramp Company came into town as Pan lay in the Lezbo by the Pavillion. Walking out to take a piss he decides that he aint doing much and decided to vollunteer helping put it all together or as was latered reported in the Turnagain Times, was the leader of the “Erection Crew”. We’ll get back to that later. It was a cool deal with the local Roatry Club, Community Service Personell and various vagabonds all pitching in to help. This lead up to a paying job to “Erect” the skate park features in Seward Alaska. One other guy ended up coming along as well with broken glasses, cut up boots and back pack  and a hell of a story of how his girlfriend was a crazy Cherokee woman that for seemingly no reason flipped out on him and destroyed all his personal belongings. We left it at that since Pan could have cared less about his personal problems especially when it comes to some psycho bitch. ( Remember This)……….

Upon completion of the skatepark they were treated to a ferry trip around Resurection Bay with a Prime Rib and Salmon Buffet while floating up lost coves, around Fox Island and Bear Glacier, all for free due to local mass Love. It was a treat as they had camped out all week in the rain and if it were not for Big Vic taking them under his wing they would have surely been famished and not high, freinds are your life line here in Alaska. He has learned through his years here that those that live in Alaska alone usually die alone, you need Clan in order to survive here, regardless of what all that off into the wilderness rhetoric tries to convince you of.

After making it back to Girdwood it was found out that the afore mentioned crazy pshycho Cherokee woman was reported to have a black eye from afore mentioned dude with destroyed possesions, he was rallied up and soon was on a plane headed somewhere far away from Captain Anarchy and the Mob that had an appointment for him in the Park for a much needed beating. It was only a matter of time before She came knocking on the Lezbo’s door one late night looking for a safe haven since thay had been evicted…………. obviously hearing about his “erection” skills.

 Meanwhile back in the Forest the drunken debauchery of the nine ring circus continues on with of course Mogulmaker at the helm with a managerie of old and new faces.

He wandered over to her one early morning since she didnt make it over to the Lezbo and was greeted by her and some other dude which was of no concern since jealousy is not in the Pan mans vocabulary, he simply booted him out. A few nights later while at the Dive he finds her once again with another dude totally soaked from head to tow seemingly a piggyback ride gone terribly wrong in the moose bogs, so his heart went out to her and he brought her into the Lezbo and clothed her in warm fleece after of course engaging in a warfming up period as She was near frozen. Later, back at the Dive sparks up a conversation with this other girl who seems abit perturbed about this Cherokee gal and her Brother, when pressed further on the matter it was disclosed that thay had been on a Cocaine bender that afore mentioned night much to the dismay of Pan who in his rage, drags her out of the bar and strips her of his clothes where there she runs off into the cold Alaskan night in nothing but her panties & bra. People are on the deck smoking ciggarettes and cant believe their eyes as what was unfolding in front  of them this dark starlit night. No one sais anything to him but he can hear the whispers behind him ” Man,… he’s a cold Mother Fucker that Pan.” ” Not really” he thought “But She probally is….” Its not the fact She was doing Cocaine with some other dude, that didnt phase him, it was the fact that it was done in a manner as if he was the One, because he aint and never will be that ONE. She has since gone back to her ex lovers loving embrace in where She beckons him to come……. Mama told me there would be days like these, Strange days Indeed, Mama,…… Strange Daze Indeed.

The Snowdragons have been let loose here in the Chugach with there tails whipping about wispy white clouds that drift on over the glaciers and highest peaks. They come like a whisper in the lone cold night. They came late this year from wherever it was that they came from. Offerings to Ullr were burnt up into the skies in desperation to let the mountains be covered by a white afghan knitted flake by flake, day by day. The Headwall is setting up nicely beckoning the children of the storms down below, how those goodweirdians bite at the bit awaiting that first chair into the heavans of bliss. HAZAR! Hail to the SNOW DRAGONS and blessed be that they have finally returned!! The mercury continues to plumet from the 30’s into the 20’s well into the teens and finally sub-zero, as he lays in the well heated sanctuary of the Lezbo with yet another tap on the door in the wee hours of a cold star filled night.

Goodweirdians Invade Anderson Bluegrass Festival

Animated Characters: 

Paddy: Afro Jewish looking Roman Catholic financer extrodinare’.

Luigi: Head Chef and mastermind behind the “Sausage & Peppers”

Mogulmaker: “Made Man” aka: Johnnie Mogulini, aka:  “The Weasle”

Pan: Designated Driver from Hell aka: Pandolfino aka: “The Finger”.

Timeline: July 28-35th 2009

Place: Girdwood to Anderson a stretch of about 326 miles……….a  very long 702 miles roundtrip.

Twighlight Zone Voice:

Imagine if you could four men on a ride with destiny to a place where time stands still or moves all to fast, a moment in a bad acid trip where anything and everything will not happen at all or all at once………………..

Pan first had seen Luigi and Paddy slingin’ their New York-New York Sausage & Pepper’s @ the Forest Fair some weeks prior and came to the conclusion they had magical healing  proprieties since it helped him fight off panic & despair during a shaman ritual gone terribly awry. While at the Casa Del Sol restraunt in good old Girdie, they sparked up the conversation of the possibilitie of vending up in Anderson where the annual Bluegrass Festival was held. It was the northern equivalent of the Forest Fair, where people of all walks & tribes came together as one. It would be a great opportunity to once again stroll through the Taiga Drunken Forest of Black Spruce, Salmon Bake, Lynx Tavern and pay tribute to his old love, the Nenana River. The river that flows not South as most but North into the Tanana then into the Yukon and finally spilling its glacier milk into the Bering Sea some 1200 miles to the West, like a spent lover.

They had the financial backing provided by Paddy, yeah that Jewish looking Roman Catholic and lover of Chardonay, the dryer the better. They also had the product ie. of the sausage imported from Vinnie Cattellini’s (Food Network) father in Seattle (a old debt was settled) which Luigi added too, a smorgasborg of differant types of peppars, onions and spices cooking them w/ Cianti for hours on end to perfection. They were like a party in your mouth where everone is coming, yeah that fuckin’ good. Mogulmaker simply “weasled” his way in by helping out with loose ends and his “acquiring skills” All they needed was a driver since none of them have a licence. thats where Pan comes into this story having recently recieved his driving privalages back from the States of California, Utah, Colorado and Alaska,….. respectfully, he was even reportadly fully insured by Geico under a high risk SR-22 policy that had to conform to all the afore mentioned States but in reality he didnt have the cash to pay this month. They approached him with offering’s of India Pale Ales, drugs and hookers and a Wet Burrito w/ Luigis infamous Chipolte sour cream. They haggled endless promises, hundreds if not “thousands” of dollars which must have been in Cambodian or Mexican currency since I have yet to see any of it. yeah all the Sausage & Peppers he could eat, loose women  and other articles of debauchery I cannot disclose for another 7 years but most importantly a Willy Wonka Golden Ticket to all three days, Pan with another 6 pack of the Beast thrown in for the hell of haggling was in. Soon the Z- team Rat Pack was together.

Paddy: plays Peter Lawrence- Yearnful & Dreamy

Luigi: as Frank Sinatra- Stoic and Optimistic

Mogul: you know it- Dean Martin w/ drink in hand, cig hanging, hair dirty but perfect.

Pan: Offers stellar performance as : Sammy “mother-fuckin” Davis. Crooked eye & all. 

Turnagain Times- Five Fuckin Stars Upside Your Head!!

Chugach- What Times?- I never laughed and cried so hard in all my life, stunningly tragic and beautiful.

Anarchy in the AK.- Pando I need this piece submitted before the deadline dammit’-RD

All they needed now was a car. Hmmmmm I wonder.

So theres this gorgeous hippy girl that had a pure and trusting soul and a Toyota Forerunner that would work since no one was jumping on the Paddy Wagon Love Wagon and so with more offerings and bottomless promises She folded like a lawn chair and caved in under pressure. ( Thanks Sarah, lets do lunch,. like Surf & Turf for me & all you can eat Salad Bar for you, I love hippie vegetarian girls!!)  First they had to get those sausages thawed from the Silvertips freezer which was like trying to release a frozen Mastadon from a glacier, then all they had to do was make the product, pack the truck and hit the road. Easier said than done, for the next 2 days and nights they slaved away cooking these sausages and peppers…..Night & Day-Day & Night they cooked, they argued, they laughed, they cried, they slept…… not really.

Mogul was able to steal, beg or borrow the assortment of coolers, ice, wood, batteries, tent, tables but dammit no steaks and Tobasco Cipolte Sauce. (refer to last years story, Ah shit,;;; I might as well fill you in, you see it seems as if something always goes wrong when driving up to Anderson. Last year Danny (( Famous Girdwood Proprieter)) was pulled over for speeding through Cantwell and it didnt help having like a empty 24 pack of Sierra Pale Ales fall out as he was getting escorted to the red & blues, which left Pan & Drinkard w/ his ride and full of booze to boot, He felt bad for a minute, exactly, the year before- same thing but this time it was a mile outside the festival where they pulled them over and Pan & Mogul are making plans for a free trip to Fairbanks, call my mom, send underwear & socks and put $$ on books, phone #’s,.. etc, you know’ the usual shit, wherein they only take Pan’s Driver Licence and Mogul, who left his steaks and Tobasco behind-whew damn run on sentences..) Back to story at hand.

Next thing Pan knows him & Mogul are packing those huge ass white coolers full of Sausage & Peppers out to the afore mentioned borrowed vehicle which by the way has a rear door that doesnt work and can barely fit these fat ass sausages in her doors. It had to carry all the product, camping, kitchen gear & 4 guys w/ booze, guns, knives etc. and has no rear shocks. We packed the shit out of that rig, it sat as if ready to launch out of Cape Girdnavel w/ Evil Knieval at the helm.

So after lashing, tying, pushing, shoving, stuffing, cramming every available space all the while trying not to crush the 25 bags of buns., at percisely,  4:20 pm Thursday the 20-somethingth, they said their goodbyes, that is: not before stopping in at the Casa for a safety meeting and a much overdue drink. we got our blessings or good ridance from the locals of Girdwood, knowing it was they who would be representing the Chugach this year…………..oh god.

 One thing is for certain is that being a designated driver is a huge responsibility and should be taken very seriously. but it can be trying when your the only one sober and their taking these weird orange pills that seem to make them believe they’re on a talk show or a guest speaker at a Hustler convention. I have heard some pretty tasteless jokes in my time but I will be needing therapy after those little orange happies’ unleashed their sick & twisted dreams and desires. We lost the gas cap by Wasilla, Pan almost lost his mind by Willow. It was like a old Iron Butterfly vinyl album stuck over & over & over, mid-jam, no matter how many times you reset it, fuckin’ keeps making noise. It was so awesome when they passed out like triplets drooling on eachother, necks arched back like baby teradactyl hatchlings he wanted to stuff those rock hard buns down. Their was only one cassette tape in the rig as there are no radio signals up there, it was hippy shit. Ugh. 289 miles to go, and they said it would only take 4 hours to get there. Pft’, right. Pan drove on into the endless day as it rained on………. it was going to be a long drive.

Anchorage traffic, gotta love it, and also the smoking breaks they had to have as if their lives depended on it & was only going to stretch this trip out, it seemed they stopped more for cigarettes and booze breaks more than for drugs and hookers as promised. but they perservered through Wasilla but had to stop at the Houstan Roadhouse as alcohol levels were getting dangerously low. They all got their poison , Pan as well……a Pepsi on the rocks, ugh. After smoking no less than 10 cigarettes apiece and crackin’ out on this weird ass bar table video game, they were back on the road through Trappers Creek, Talkeetna (smoke break # 26 & Mogul stole a air freshener from the mens room as the rig was getting funky) Pan experiencing facial twitches bordering on Belle’s Palsy, white knuckling the wheel as if it were Paddy’s neck, Luigi was like the Ed McMahon to Paddys Johnny Carson, all he did was laugh for the 1st 150 miles only encouraging insufferable rants of distaste & disgust, the later 1/2 he shuffled between power sweats and nicotine naps. Mogul taking it all in stride like a motha fuckin champ sleep’s it all away. Pan in occasionally in a self gratification moment would slam on the brakes so the 20 some odd pounds of dinner rolls would bury them accompanied with folding tables stuffed in on top of the coolers which would bang both their heads at once, a classic three stooges manuveur. yuk-yuk-yuk-yuk-yuk-yuk-yuk-yuk-yuk!!

He knew he should have fueled up at that last gas store-shower-place but didnt want the sleeping beauties who were now chomping away in Lotus Land even though he only wanted to smoke a joint and suffered from a head ache inspired from  Larry, Moe & Curly. Here they were at least 20 miles from the McKinnly Chateau’s riding on the needle way below”E’, must have been running on their 1/2 tanked fumes. When the Sun started to dip behind the Alaskan Range there in the distance was a gas station but it was now like 1:30 am the following day (…yeah, tell me about it) it was closed and no one had cash. Now heres where Pan simply snapped, all that pent up energy came forth as if a PHOENIX in its Death Throws, unleashing a power and fury the stooges staggered back and Luigi tried to light a ciggarette from. With a torrent of truth as it may be, he proceeded to chew off each and everyone of their asses. He was contemplating running into the Nenana, his lover of old to Quench his Thirst to Dowse these Flames……… steam rising from his form,.. minutes away from self combustion, Paddy in his most sobering moment in 5 days pulls out what he thought was a defunct bank card and slides it into the pump, it APPOVES!!! AAAIIIEEEE!!! The Gods have seen our troubles and give us safe travels obviously on someone elses account since Paddy swears he cancelled this card some 2 years prior. Why was it in his wallet you ask?, Hmmmmm allow me to answer that question with a question:

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? get back to me on that one asshole. Paddy’s my man…………………. they empty out those dead soldiers with a crash of glass and gear up for the last leg of the ride into destiny.

Pulling into Glitter Gulch proved humbling since they were out of alcohol and no stores were opened, onward to the liquor store in Healy, Noooooo!!! CLOSED that sign said as they lay on the ground and grovel like tormented souls, Pan chuckled and felt somewhat chipper thinking to himself this sober shit aint that bad watching them writh in apparant agony. Somewhere around the Stampede Trail where Alex Supertramp went “Into the Wild” Pan started experiencing difficulties seeing the road even though the rains had now ceased.

Over 300,000 acres had recently been burned or was burnig up near Anderson when they arrived which made for difficult driving for it was very hazy and the smoke iiritated Luigi’s Alergy’s, the guy can smoke 4 packs a day but a little wildfire’s gonna cause a frickon seizure give me a break, Luigi, I outta…… Finally at aproximately 4:20 am (and interestingly enough) they pull into the Anderson RV campground the following day, some 12 hours after leaving Girdwood a total of 326 miles somehow took 12 hours, according to my math and albeit 6th grade at best this calculates to approximately 27 mph. They obviously must have been abducted , probed and erased of any recolition since none of them except Pan could remember how they got there and Pan wasnt talking, he simply and casualy grabbed his backpack and walked off into the wild, actually it was a kids playground.

Someone was screaming his name, Dude! I cant believe its you!” Holy Shit man, get up, its tommorow!!” they ranted on but he was dead to the world. In and out of slumber these spectors tried to awaken him but to no avail for he was spent. there he lay in the catbox with Hot Ass Sand Nymphs swinging away under the midnite Sun, almost oblivious. He awoke under a blistering 7:00 am Sun beating on him like a hot skillit, he was in some kind of enclosure seemingly meant to protect children from pygmy bears as it was only 18 inhes tall and made of plastic. His backpack lay strewn about the sands like the spice route. His clothes which were soaked from the previous days rain was hanging in the various swings, slides, see-saws….. but he didnt remember doing it, must have been them Sand Nymphs rifling through his shit looking for the goods. He spied what appeared to a woman looking inside the ladies restroom as if a bear or something was in it which only proved to be Paddy strolling out trying to pull up his fly with a somewhat bewildered look on his face and for sure as I write this I can attest to the fact he probally pissed all over the seat.

From what the other vendors stated is that we pulled into a quiet section and proceeded to scorn and beat the hell out of eachother while trying to assemble that huge ass tent the size of Noah’s Arc being both sleep and alcohol deprived. I guess some other vendors came over and put it up for them as they figured it was a better ends to the means they were attempting. talk about some shitty looks the next day, didnt bother Johhny as he was busy dry heaving, Luigi was imagining terrible beast that were going to come out of this wilderness and eat him, Paddy just stared off into the trees mumbling some mathematical equation or something. Pan seizing the day grabs a beer and pounds it. Time: 9:29 am. Friday.

ANDERSON BLUGRASS SCHEDULE  (Fri.7/31/09)

Stackhouse 

Ice Jam

Bluegrass OG’s

Last Frontier

New Cut Road

White Twang

It was sort of comical to say the least to watch all the vendors greet the day with a flurry of activity. They were all setting up their kitchens and cooking up their grub and all these vagabonds had to do was sober up, warm it up and sell. That is before they spilled the cooler and were promptly attacked by Alaskan Killer Hornets who by the way can smell fear and targetted the old & weak. It was something to see the New york crew seemingly fight off some unseen assailant that didnt seem to affect the vendors on either side of them. Pan went out to the 660 acre park that was built as a overflow aquaduct for the Nenana in times of extreme flooding. Trucks w/ trailers, RV’s, buses of all makes and sizes, Harley Davidsons, Kenworth’s came one and all in droves. Soon tipee’s, tents, inginious car/tent/housing projects were erected. People were gearing up for the music and you could feel the excitement in the air. The plan was to sell the Sausage & Peppers in the booth then after the music shut down, start walking around w/ a hot bag full of grub to the starving people down on the river and in the forest. So there he was with a hot bag like the pizza delivery guys use walking through the dark Alaskan nights with 20 dogs, at least 5 hippies and probally a brown bear or two in tow. “Get your New York Sausage over here!” he yelled from camp to camp, at first everyone just stared at him then a few revelrers recognised his voice, “PANDO!? Is that you?……….”

And so it started with a few freinds needing some food to get it out there and the word got out that this was some quality goods especially sincee it was 4:20 in the morning and everything was shut down and people were getting rummy. the only problem was that people didnt have that much money but had things to barter , you know hippie stuff mushrooms, acid, weed and drink, oh god………. Needless to say that when he returned to camp the next day and was confronted by the Siclian Mobsters wanting their take, they were a bit dismayed to say the least when he showed up with $43.17 instead of $200. ” Pando! have you been selling our product for drugs/” Paddy asked. Pando with one fully dialated eye and the other wandering up into the distance stated simply, ” Uh….. I…..well you see, whoa! whats that?.” Paddy in turn ” Pando I will slice your belly open like a FUCKIN Salmon asshole GO TO BED!” Your Fired!! Problem was he couldnt sleep since he was hallucinating so bad so continued to wander into the woods as dawn broke. Mescilito and Kokepeli dancing feverihly with Taiga Nymphs in tow.

know what I did this summer…………….. I think.


Current mood: animated

Theres a Place in my Mind only I can FindStardate: 8-01-08 A-420

The Squirel that was his upstair neighbor was dropping cones on the metal roof

of the Treehouse, Pan had been calling home of late, rousing him from a deep sleep.  

So he decided to get up and go look for some tasty King Boulet Mushrooms to add to some Top Ramen & Salmon soufle’. along the way he could hear some commotion and went to investigate and soon found all kinds of strange sites and realised that it was not a dream or a vision but that………………………

The Blueberry Festival  was off to a great start with friends & families checking out the muffins, tarts and pies laced with jams and jellies whipped w/ cream as mountain bikers rode about the new trail system at Alyeska Mountain in their Mad Max like apparal.  Blue ballooned children hoola-hooped with Earthy henna patterns, facepaint and day-glow hair colors amongst the blown out fall colors of Fireweed, seemed a sharp contrast but nothing out of the ordinary here within the Chugach.

Captain Anarchy  displaying a Blue Mohawk pulls up in the Lesbian-PimpMobile, complete with wall to wall/up on the ceiling mustard yellow deep shag carpet, crushed velvet leopard print walls and multi-colored smiley face curtains, a variety of life forms either grew on or in it. People from various walks in life, social & economic classes, races, religious beliefs all had one thing in common that day: to Celebrate the Delightful Blueberry.

 All were enjoying the typical rainy weather under the Beer Garden tent for some good music of the Carhartt Bros., Well Strung and Andy & Boyz,  some tasty IPA.s, Brown Beers and some terrible domestics were thereto wet the palet for those who wanted to hang out as they didnt seem to mind getting a bit wet as the weather was mild.

Melissa Mitchell kicked off the music with her soulful honey laced voice, people began to tap their feet, hips began to sway, a slight breeze ever so slowly started to arise.

Fair Folks sold handcrafted items, Woven Basket holders and Zip-Lock bag carriers sought out various berries in the surrounding areas while para-sailers flew overhead with multi-colored parachutes like Dragonflies. It was a great weekend and they danced on in the cleansing rain well a few anyway………………………

Afterwards, he went down to the Forest Fair Park and watched the Skate Rats display their prowness and death defying skills 

 and hooked up with some friends to  play some disc!! then afterwardsa, most likely get into a rambunctuous game of………………………

CO-ED Softball!!! Its the end of the Rainbow. 
Then perhaps find someone cooking some Salmon over at the pavillion that dont mind sharing

sometimes. Which usually leads to a POW-WOW

to hang out with some more GOOD Peeps as the Heavens shine down!! 

Then mosey on down  to Moose Flats  the only place in the Chugach with warm water to swim in and hang out with a really cool local girl.  Sweet.

Soak up the elusive Sun when possible for that VIT D. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Feels so GOOD!!

But ya better not stay out to late for the Forest Folk might get ya and throw ya in the drink and turn ya into a local.
Then return to “Town Center” and fall into :                             

“Studio B” ,

an old wooden cabin that has served as both hippy-headquarters and session room for locals and bands such as Smooth $ Gesture, Incoming and of course, the Photonz!! Yaaaaaaayy! ,That band that had “Beemed Him Up” all those years ago in Lake Tahoe when he & the Ghjost would roam about the lower 48 from ski town to river runner camps w/ names like Irwin Lodge, Crested Butte, Wolf Creek, American Fork, Alpine Meadows, Brown’s Canyon, Sugar Bowl, Rancho De Rio & Jackson Hole to name a few. Music was emanating from the interior of the cabin as the boys were gearing up for another Cosmic Journey. 
All the while in the back was a Bonfire with a few Fire Tenders and of course Coldpop’s VW Bus

, the Breeze was beggining to build……………………..

Our Hero’s Altered Ego actually stayed employed for a couple of weeks, so that meant getting a actual paycheck, as well as “in for a well deserved vacation”. I s’pose most of the proceeds should have went to the folks that have been floating him on various adventures/endeavors/ but instead it went towards paying off his Tab at the “Dive” and the rest went towards the migration North to Denali over the Labor Day Weekend, the weekend that indicates Summer is about to end and which he dances towards the Midnight Sun.When the flyers started to appear on the various bulletin boards around town that the beloved band “The Photonz” would be playing at the “World Famous Salmon Bake” the bar at Glitter Gulch, the place where BOXMAN had been seen during Lunar El-clipses and Musical talent in the past. Colonel Les Claypool once said “Having weekends means that you can hang out with your working freinds” and so it was on this momental occasion, not because of the Holiday, not even getting a actual paycheck,…….. which is rare,………….. Extremely Rare, It was for the Gathering of Tribes where Clans met with Eachother before Winters Numbing Embrace held all Fast. 
After geting off work ( I know, hard to believe) he fell into Casa Del Sol, 

 the House of the Sun. In preparation of a good journey any traveller should be in the company of good   Food & People…….. for the Body & Soul. The stuff for the mind will come later……..

Located in the Girdwood Laundramall  where weary road warriors, skate rats,bikers, hikers, tourist, and locals alike did their laundry next to one another, spoke to one another, took showers and gazed at the celebration of the Constellations. This place has become town center not since it has the only public bathrooms in town, but also because that’s just where’s it at to find things. The propieter (A local celebrity) Danny, was preparing to go up to Denali for the festi’s, Lo & Behold somewhat mysteriously, Pan appears from out of one of the bathrooms, jumps in the front seat saved for Rachel the saucey curley haired local girl  from GRRRR-wood Pet & Green Goods, even though without being invited, he sits like a dog waiting for his master to take him on long drive and is undetered and ready for whatever lies ahead…………..

It would be a great opportunity to escape the debaucery of “The Dive”………………………………………….., God I Love that PLACE.Bonfires, ………..Slapping Black Bears, …………..Whatever………Escaping the pull of,

Mogulmaker’s Sideshow Bus and Nine Ring Circus ,and not to mention let the Lesbian/Pimpmobile air out for awhile. Good Move.

Road trips are good for the soul and as the miles pass by,……….. so do all of that which holds one to stress/poison and it fell from them like sloughed off scales of a snake leaving behind a trail of many colors with each passing mile. Alongside the Turnagain Arm where the Bore Tide danced with the Forces of Gravity they migrated……………. 

Through Bird Creek where a few anglers tried their luck at catching the last of the Coho’s (Silvers) into Potter Marsh where Trumpeter Swans dunked their head in the shallows to feed on aquatic plants along with a managerie of multi-colored Woodland Ducks and then unfortunetly and inevetably into the traffic of Anchorage, Blah, Yuck, CACA.

Soon they were into the fertile Matanuska Valley where the Alaska State Fair was in full force displaying cabbage & pumpkins that ranged in the hundreds of pounds for under the Midnight Sun, LIFE will flourish to immence perportions, once home to the strain of Matanuska Thunderfunk!!

Then on through Willow, Talkeetna and Somewhere out of Cantwell disaster strikes when the red & blues pull them over………………. (seems so familiar) along the Lonesome Highway, Our driver fails a sobriety test and gets a free trip into Fairbanks.( he would be released the following day w/ charges being dropped, Hmm wonder what he did to get out of that one, anyway) PAN & Rachel stand hand in hand within the Wilderness on a Lonely Stretch of Twighlight as the Troopers pull away into the Sunset,… Alone they stood transfixed and apparantly with a new SUV full of beer………………………. “Better Him than me” , he thought and soon they were down the road. (Somewhat remindfull of the Anderson Bluegrass Festival last year where Mogulmaker went down for some old warrants a mile out of town the night before the party, leaving behind some great Steaks & Chipolte Tabasco sauce lifted from the Mercantile,…… much on a night like this one, Hmmmmmmm Time Continuam Glitch, nothing out of the norm in the Life of Pan.)Northward to Denali they went,  almost hitting a large  Pearl Essence Moose that ran along side of the car what seemed an eternity, then winking with Starlit Eyes, She burst back into what seemed impassable terrain,… like a ghost, Gone. 

Amongst the Poplar, Birch and Aspen trees that were starting to turn hues of green-yellow-lime, it seemed like the further North they went, was like almost driving up in elevation, so in turn… the further they drove, they drove Further into Autumn.

The terrain soon turned to Taiga, along with a splashing of multihued dark berries that would be the envy of any  “Grandmothers Quilt”  with Reds, veranda, purples, pinks, and oranges, blanketing the Drunken Forest with as much loving embrace as any Matriarch. the Midnight Sun racing off towards Southern Hemispheres, Red Fox playing, Time Speeding up the Slower they went, eyes dialating, hearts racing……………..Pulling into the “Bake” parking lot they sat there not saying anything, just taking it “ALL”  in and preparing for the Gathering. They started off the night by cracking a bottle of Jim Beam, for medicinal purposes of course.

 !st wondering then wandering onto the boardwalk of “Glitter Gulch” checking out all the traps but mostly People Watching. Then somehow and interestingly enough onto the stairway ever so slowly…… inching up to the bar to mix with Old Friends and catch up on the haps since Boxman left all those seasons ago and then drawn down onto the dance floor where many waited for that One to Engage. Like Bee’s dancing for a nectar laced flower field they danced and the Photonz played well into the night.Giggles roused him from a deep slumber and sitting up he realizes that they are in the back of the aforementioned SUV, obviously still parked in,….. well the same parking lot they were the night before with the huge latch style rear door wide open to expose where they lay entwined, not with eachother but amongst a collection of Sierra Nevada Pale Ales, Alaskan Indian Pale Ales, and one seemingly empty bottle of Jim Beam, a horde of Japanese tourist were taking photos of the impromtu “pitched tent” Pan was providing,…. Oh’ the horror waking up to that. He felt like Koko as she slept on. Danny shows up and is pissed we drank most of his beer, but happy we didnt ralley his rig.

1st plan of the day was to get a really Goooooooooooooooooooood Bloody Mary, and SO, onto the Crows Nest he stumbled, picking up some stragglers from the night before  and so they went, this rag tagged expression of HUMANITY.Just attemting to get to the “Nest” was half the fun when your still reeling from the night before as it sits up on a precipess overlooking the Nenana River down below. In fact it was like a mini version of what it must have been like up on Mt. McKinly that huge and ominous granite jaugernaut where climbers at that very same Moment were engaged in a Dance of Great Rewards and Perils. 
For all intended purposes this had all the struggles, pain, mental and physical challenges as some fell about trying to reach the top, only to flail on back up through what seemed the hardest route imaginable instead of simply walking up the damn trail,…………. don’t ask. 

Heroic deeds were displayed as the stronger or more sober of the climbers would assist others while sadly enough, in other cases it was a personal and private struggle for some which included yours truley, Yeah I said it so there it is. They came out of the forest bleeding, gasping, crying, limping with twigs in their hair and still wondering if they had in reality actually conqured the Mountain that chuckeled to himself as it watched these curious little critters on this small ant hill below. They fell into the Nest” and were soon all laughing and thanking (or forgiving) one another for the journey up and in good spirits as they gulped down those hot & spicey Bloodies like a part of any well balanced breakfast which ‘by the way’ included some “Magikly Delicious Treats”,……………………the wind began to get gusty.
The next thing he knows they are down In the Nenana’s frigid 42 degree water damn near naked, obviously involved in some ancient ritual of “Dipping”

Nymph's

 giving thanks to the N-E-W-S, for being alive at this particular time, others were making Sand Angels amongst the ruins, the Willows Danced, Nenana Lapped at the Shore, Leaves Quaked, Rocks Stacked, the Old Man laughed as the Sky Rumbled. 

River Raft Guides  with those wide eyed gapers going down that part of the river were simply “Shocked and Awed” as they floated by when the Willow Branches began to shake violently and rocks began to be hurled in their direction as those on the beach beat their chest and screamed like Banshees of the Bush, (it was reported later that one of the guides had spied what seemed like some kind of animals near the ruins playing, fighting or something) …………….The following day after most were on their way back to what ever path they came from, not one single human print was on that beach amongst the ruins, it only showed footprints of Bear, Wolverine, Martins, Crow and Fox,…………………… must have been one hell of a time.The Winds of Change were raging down somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico, slowly gaining strength, the whole Nation took Notice.
The Old Woman cackled and Lightning struck a small tree on Mt. Deborah…………………………………….. it “smoldered’ for days.

The following night made the first night seem like a simple warm up jam session as most were “Beemed Up”near that mountaintop that night, Some were searching for their way up, others were finding their way down while many were simply dancing like those wispy-wisp somewhere up on top of that Mountain known as Denali 
“The Great One”.

Tune in Next Week, Same Pan Time, Same Pan Channel

Elusive Lithuanian’s

1st Tap Flowmotion

Fungis Fair

Autumn Equinox

Harvest Moon