Goodweirdians

Jun 7, 2008

Goodweirdians………………

Current mood: drunk

In a town where I was born, lived a man who sailed the sea
And he told me of his Life
In a Yellow Submarine………………………
Tobias was sort of pissed when he felt some dumbass trying to crawl in with him or take his sleeping bag when he felt the prodding at his legs, yelling, “Get OFF Bill!!”. But it persisted to the point where he had to get up looking face to face with a big old Black bear known as Yogi that had been terrorizing camp for the past few weeks…in fact it still had scars on its ass from when Mogulmaker chased it out of camp with a hatchet, no shit!
(Clint Eastwood Music in background)
Tobias’ eyes the bear spray just off to his right on the makeshift bench as Yogi stares him down the tension thick until one makes a move, the Bear is faster and  grabs the can in its mouth biting down with 4 hundred ga’zillion foot lbs. of pressure which then explodes into its mouth & Tobias’ face. The whole camp is inudated with Cayenne pepper spray, no one really seems to mind except Tobias.
Pan awakes within Pumba totally oblivious to what is happening except the fact there is someone screaming outside and so sitting up notices a Large black bear running off towards Jerry’s tent and what looks like a Totally Tripped Out Tobias cursing, running off into the entanglement of devilsclub holding his face, nothing out of the ordinary in the cubby hole of Forest Fair Park,. 
So there he stands trying to piss out of a Hickory Dick Hard-On, gathering his bearings, swaying, blinking, spitting out the shit taste in his mouth and looks over towards Jerrys Stank Ass Tent Complex that it has become of late, a multi tent mansion with a dining room, kitchenette, feeding room (usually reserved for those furry Alaskan mosquitoes) and a Frigon Big Black Bear in the tree right next to his tent, Now let me explain Jerry…………………………………..Man, Jerry is a cat from out of the Twighlight Zone, one of those Muses of Time like Dr. Jeckyl in the Night, real dreadlocks, clothes worn almost into nothing if not for his sewing skills, stinks like B.O & Garlic, Coke Bottle Two tone glasses so thick they could start a fire even in the wettest of environments which he lost weeks prior, sure he had some kind of mental  bs going on but he was a hoot to be around especially when he was riding that hot pink poka dotted beach cruiser totally drunk off his ass and besides had a foodstamp card so therefore was always cooking up grub…………….not to mention he lured in  fat hate your rich ass daddy types which we all so laughed about, a match made in heaven…………….Pan starts yelling “Jerry! Get up man theres a bear in your tree dude!” Jerry in a hushed voice ” yeah whatever.” Pan retorts “I aint shittin ya man, Yogi’s in the tree right next to your house, “.Jerry replies “What should I do?” Pan screams “Get the FUCK Out Now! Jerry in one catlike maneuver squeezes out from one of his multitued ductaped doors blind as a bat most likely barefooted running off in the opposite direction of Tobias who is still cursing the bear and obviously from the sound of things, having a rough time at getting out of the devils club snare.
Lance opens the sliding door of the Orange Pumpkin Dry Heaving and lets Duke his old crusty dog out to bark at the treed bear.  Duke is a mongrel of a dog who would later maul the panman at the 1st “Alterered State Fair” living in a defunct Orange VW pop up bus with his master in the community of hippies, granola’s, partyers’s.  Lance’s bus didnt run and was parked next to the big school bus which we all hung out at on rainy days since it had a stove, of course Lance sleeps through it all unconcerned. Cory, long bearded  philosopher drinks a  black butte porter and starts spewing something prophetic to the trees, Gooose the raft guide turned into Brown bear authority after living amongst them in the park for weeks has had two tents and a food cache raided by this particular bear and has been waiting for him since he has been standing point as he calls it and shoots bottlerockets at it but only succeeds on setting his tent afire as they fly into it and explodes, his 3rd tent to somehow be destroyed by Yogi.. The bear in all the commotion crawls down the tree unobserved as everyone involved is trying to heard back the blind brothers or putting out the tent fire and slurks off into the forest. Softball Sundays, Toxic Tuesdays, Life in the slow lane, Jibbs  harvesting fiddleheads, King boulets, admirables. hedgehogs…………….Ladies. Dance to the sounds of guitars and  many drums.
Somewhere on the WHO-JAMMIE Island in between two branches of the Glacier Creek, Mogulmaker finds three aces and two Jacks, to the dismay of his opponents ……….a ching arises from a disc course basket. Someone is driving their car down a dirtroad in reverse since he doesnt have any forward gears. Stevie pours a stiff one at the Dive.
 A gal screams in Excstacy or Discomfort from the tippee, either way……. , She should have known better……………..
A Sockeye Salmon swims out at sea………….waiting anxiously to spawn.

Jerry wonders where he at and how he got in the middle of all this damn devils club..

Sloth Tour:

Dann holte Pando erstmal ein paar Bier raus und so wurde es immer lustiger. Eigentlich wollten wir zusammen Lachse fangen gehen, aber der abgeranzte Toyo mit seinem 7 Liter V8 Chevy Motor sprang nicht an. Das war ein Anblick, Pando und Sam hocken in der ollen Bude die nicht anspringen will – ganz so wie Cheech&Chong. Die beiden waren’s aber schon gewohnt und so kam erstmal wieder Bier an den Start und Sam holte die Gitarre raus … Pando fummelte mal ein bisschen hier und da und meinte nur, dass die Karre abgesoffen wäre und sie nur warten müssten. Alles was Pando tut oder sagt ist sowas von witzig,- zum totlachen. Auf unsere Frage was denn passiert, wenn man beim fahren mit Bier angehalten wird, meinte Sam: “In Alaska kannst du besoffen Auto fahren oder jemanden umbringen, aber niemals, niemals angle ohne Angelschein – ohhh maaan, dann bekommst du Ärger!!!” …So verabredeten wir uns für später und schauten uns das Flut-Phänomen an. Die Welle war schon von Weitem zu sehen. Surfer und Kajak-Fritzen machten sich bereit und dann kam doch tatsächlich eine richtige kleine Welle angeschwappt. 
Zurück bei Pando und Sam, die ihr Auto mittlerweile startklar bekommen haben, schauten sie erstmal bei einer Freundin in Girdwood vorbei und checkten den Lachs in der “Räuscherkammer”. Anschliessend zeigten sie uns eine Stelle am Fluss, wo wir pennen konnten und hatten dort eine lustige Party. Pando kann so herrlich erzählen, dass es uns bald vor lachen zerissen hat. Spät am Abend gingen wir in eine Bar in Girdwood. Pando unterhielt den halben Laden und draussen, direkt am Eingang kreissten die Joints.

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